HITER ORIS LIGE MLS - MALO V BESEDAH, MALO V ŠTEVILKAH

Konec tedna se je začela nova, 23. sezona ameriške nogometne lige MLS (Major League Soccer). Če sta lani slovensko zanimanje za ligo vsaj malce pospešila Antonio Delamea Mlinar (New England revolution) in Andraž Struna (New York City FC), bo letos barve Slovenije zastopal le Delamea Mlinar.

Temu uvod v sezono ni posebej uspel, saj je zasluženo pordečel že v 24. minuti (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-y9kybb79zI). Za nameček je domača Philadelphia Union slavila z 2:0.

Pred sezono so v ZDA za favorite napovedovali branilca naslova Toronto, podprvaka Seattle Sounders in tudi lanskega prišleka Atlanto United ter oba newyorška kluba. New England so postavili na 21. mesto med 23 ekipami. A to ne pove še ničesar, saj je že prvi krog prinesel precej presenečenj.

Denimo, izgubila sta tako Toronto (proti Columbusu z 0.2) in Atlanta proti Houstonu z 0:4, povrh vsega pa je novinec Los Angeles FC v gosteh premagal Seattle Sounders z 1:0.

Kakor koli - MLS v Sloveniji verjetno ne bo našel prav veliko oboževalcev, meni pa povsem zadovoljivo zapolni primanjkljaj ob odsotnosti lige NFL ob nedeljskh večerih/nočeh. Nogomet resda ni na takšni ravni kot v boljših evropskih ligah, a se tudi to spreminja.

Ob tem pa je na drugih področjih MLS pred številnimi bolj uveljavljenimi ligami, kar bodo v grobem pokazale tudi nekatere spodaj navedene številke iz lige MLS.


Rast povpečne vrednosti ekip v MLS:
2008: 37 mio USD
2013: 103 mio USD
2015: 157 mio USD
2016: 185 mio USD
2017: 223 mio USD

Najvrednejši klubi v MLS v letu 2017:
LA Galaxy            315 mio USD
Seattle Sounders 295
Toronto                 280
NYCFC                275
...
New England       225
...
Columbus Crew  130 mio (najmanj).

Leta 2017 je salary cap znašal 3,845 milijona po ekipi. Največjo povprečno plačo so imeli pri Torontu (777.660 USD), sledita NYCFC (603.600) in LA Galaxy (485.630). New England je imel povprečno plačo 288.320 USD, najmanjšo pa lanska novinka Minnesota FC s 191.780.

Po podatkih globalsportssalaries.com je bila MLS s povprečno plačo 313.438 USD na 13. mestu med vsemi (ne le nogometnimi, tam je nekje na šestem ali sedmem mestu) ligami sveta.

Največje letne plače nogometšev v MLS v letu 2017:
Kaka (Orlando)                                                   7,17 mio USD*
Sebastian Giovinco (Toronto)                              7,12
Michael Bradley (Toronto)                                    6,50
Andrea Pirlo (NYCFC)                                         5,92*
David Villa (NYCFC)                                            5,61
...
Antonio Delamea Mlinar (NE Revolution)        400.008 USD
Andraž Struna (slabe pol sezone pri NYCFC)     75.600 USD

* - ni več aktiven

V zadnjih letih vsi klubi prodajajo sponzorski prostor na dresih. Pri tem ima najboljšo pogodbo Los Angeles Galaxy, ki od Herbalifa dobi 4,4 mio USD letno. Sledijo kanadske ekipe s po 4 mio USD na leto.


Galaxy prednjači tudi pri delitvi sredstev televizijskih pravic (5,5 mio USD letno) in pri prodaji imena stadiona (10 + mio USD letno).

MLS sicer dobi 90 mio USD od broadcasting partnerjev, 27 mio na leto več kot v prejšnji pogodbi.

Velik dotok denarja si je MLS zagotovila tudi s podpisom oziroma podaljšanjem pogodbe z Adidasom. Šestletno podaljšanje bo ligi prineslo 700 mio USD oziroma približno 117 mio USD na leto.

Po prihodkih je bil leta 2016 najboljši LA Galaxy s 63 mio USD, sledita Seattle s 53 in Toronto s 46.  New England je imel 27 milijonov prihodkov.

Pa še nekaj drugih številk:
<sup>- največ golov v ligi: Landon Donovan 145; od aktivnih najbližje tretji Chris Wondolowski (san Jose Earthquakes, 134);
- največ podaj: Landon Donovan: 136; od aktivnih deseti Sascha Kljestan (Orlando City, 84);
- največ tekem:; Nick Rimando (452), Kyle Beckerman 432 (oba Real Salt Lake);
- največ naslovov: LA Galaxy 5, DC United 4. 
- najdražji prestop: Ezequiel Barco (pred to sezono iz CA Independiente v Atlanta United za 15 mio USD);</sup>

Povprečen obisk tekem v ameriških ligah 2016/17:
NFL 67.405
MLB 30.023
MLS 21.692
NBA 17.884
NHL 17.500

Povprečen obisk drugih večjih nogometnih lig po svetu (2016/17):
nemška liga    41.510
angleška liga   35.280
mehiška liga    27.830
španska liga     27.630
italijanska liga  22.160
MLS                 21.660
francoska liga  21.030

^{V ligi MLS sicer tekmuje 23 klubov. Vsak lahko ima na seznamu prvega moštva 28 igralcev. Najverjetneje v sezoni 2020 se bosta ligi pridružila še Miami Davida Beckhama in Nashville. Ligo si želijo razšitiri na 28 ekip. Začela je leta 1996 z desetimi. Za pridružitev ligi mora franšiza po novem plačati 150 milijonov USD, še pred petimi letimi je morala odšteti 40 milijonov USD.}

* Viri: Wikipedia, statista.com, Forbes, globalsportssalaries.com, youtube.com. 

DON'T BE A C**T a.k.a JUVENTUS'S UNSUCCESSFUL START OF THE SEASON

My beloved Old lady has done some botoxin', face-lifting, vagina-rejuvenation, if you want, during the summer.

Yeah, it'll take her some time to look as impeccable as last year.

There might be a bit less 'madameness' due to Pirlo's departure, there might even be a bit less drive due to Vidal's leaving. And even a bit less penetration due to Tevez's unhealable homesickness.

But new studs, such as Paulo Dybala, Simone Zaza, Alex Sandro, Mario Mandžukić, Sami Khedira, have been brought to fill the holes of the black and white outfit. And Juan Cuadrado's coming, too.

Now I will end with sexually-oriented terminology and try to be a bit more serious. So. Let's get to the point. Juventus. Football.

Regarding all the summer additions there was quite a lot of optimism before the 1st game of the season in which Juventus welcomed quite generous customers from the past. Udinese.

And it looked like Kingsley Coman, who was the driving force early in the game, but awfully wasteful, and Co. would empty visitors' pockets as soon as they entered the shop.

Allegri's 3-5-2 (Buffon; Barzagli, Bonucci, Chiellini; Lichtsteiner, Pereyra, Padion, Pogba, Evra; Mandzukic, Coman) started brightly, completely dominating Serie A rivals.

It even seemed like the little zebras weren't interested. Juve were all over the visitors' half. On the other side, Stefano Colantuono's men entered Juve's half as often as you've seen Halley's comet.

As is often the case in such situations, 'but' inevitably enters. Despite total dominance in the 2nd half also, Juve just couldn't - even after otherwise very lively Dybala came in - put the ball in the net.

Udinese, on the other hand, did. Through Cyril Thereau, who just might have been involved in the Japanese invisibility researches. Or could someone explain to me, how is it possible to leave someone so alone in the box...

Anyway. The 'expected' outcome was still on. Mauricio Isla entered, Fernando Llorente entered. Game changers (sarcasm on).

No. Juve - despite 65-35 possession, 21-6 goal attempts, 10-2 corners - lost its first home Serie A match since January 2013 and ended an unbeaten run of 47 games (via @WhoScored).

That pissed off quite a large part of the black and white Twitter community. Yes, it's a defeat that wasn't expected. Yes, Mandžukić has a lot of room for improvement. Yes, Coman was wasteful. And, yes, Pogba made too many bad decisions going forward.

But all was not bad. And no, Juve won't be relegated, as some 'men of knowledge' tried to suggest. Bear in mind - Claudio Marchisio, one of the most important Allegri's men in the last season, has been injured, as has Alvaro Morata.

Khedira also - but he's made of glass, so Juve fans can't really coun't on him...

Ergo. It's only the 1st round of the season. So take a chill pill and don't be a cunt, as would Jim Jefferies say. Calma.

PREMIER ANAGRAMS - FOOTBALLERS' DIRTY SECRETS

They say the best artists, writers, poets have been a bit weird. Sick, if you want. I can completely understand that. I'm sick at the moment (some would say all the time, but we don't care about them, do we...), filling myself with all kinds of fruit, tea, drugs (not those drugs). Obviously my body's experiencing a bit of a shock. Used to drinking beer, my brain strangely suggested I should go behind the computer and write dumb stuff!

As we can't fight the organ, which should make us look smarter in other people's eyes (but that is not always the case, is it?), it was time to think about stupid things. As I was torturing my brain alphabetically, it wasn't long before I  got the idea. Anagrams.

Oh, what a cool thing to do with a sick body and mind! As I'm a huge football fan, I chose to do some footballers playing in the Premier League.  As you can see below, I chose two players of each team (well, if there was an obvious one, I put in the third also).

I added some punctuation marks to, well, emphasize the effect. Honestly, it didn't always work. But there are still couple of anagrams that should put a smile on your face! Or was it just me with my sick mind? Whatever.

You can see a stunning Florent Malouda's DNA, Seamus Coleman is dirty - as is Dimitar Berbatov, Stewart Downing has a weird hobby, Ryan Shawcross is a huge (too huge?) fan of Rory McIlroy.  Danny Welbeck knows a Washington secret, Simeon Jackson is rather appalled by Jose Mourinho's sex life.

 Leon Britton has a betting advice for LaDainian Tomlinson, Clint Dempsey shows no respect for Bond's M, Peter Odemwingie's winter-transfer experience has left huge consequences, Ronnie Stam gets a halftime instructions, how to stop Marko Marin, and many, many more.

ARSENAL
Abou Diaby - Baby Audio.
Bacary Sagna - Canary ab gas.

ASTON VILLA
Andreas Weimann - Rea was in men-DNA.
Marc Albrighton - Bring Colmar hat.

CHELSEA
Yossi Benayoun - Ben sins, you say...
Florent Malouda - A lot for mule-DNA...

EVERTON
Kevin Mirallas - Nivea kills RAM.
Seamus Coleman - Cum-meal season.

FULHAM
Damien Duff - Dead muffin.
Dimitar Berbatov - A morbid-vibe tart.

LIVERPOOL
Daniel Sturridge - Ill turd greandes.
Stewart Downing - Owning wet darts.

MANCHESTER CITY
David Silva - Vail vids ad.
Gareth Barry - Grab E.T., Harry!

MANCHESTER UNITED
Danny Welbeck - Kenyan blew D.C.
Anders Lindegaard - Dan is radar legend.

NEWCASTLE UNITED
Gabriel Obertan - Boring bee altar.
Shola Ameobi - O, Amish ebola.

NORWICH CITY
Andrew Surman - Damn raw nurse!
Simeon Jackson - Man on Jose - sick!

QPR
Esteban Granero - Tease N.N., Roger!
Fabio - Fobia.
Stephan M'bia - I hate PMS, Bean!

READING
Adam Le Fondre - One rad mad elf.
Ian Harte - Anti-hare!

SOUTHAMPTON
Steven Davis - Ass-event vid.
Rickie Lambert - Tickier Mr. Bale.

STOKE CITY
Wilson Palacios - CIA won a pill. SOS!
Ryan Shawcross - Can Rory show ass?

SUNDERLAND
Wes Brown - Owns brew.
Danny Graham - Ah, mad granny.
Titus Bramble - Berta's bum lit.

SWANSEA
Wayne Routledge - A needy lower gut.
Leon Britton - Bet on noir, L.T.!

TOTTENHAM
Clint Dempsey - Sip decently, M!
Kyle Naughton - Naughty on elk.

WBA
Peter Odemwingie - RT O, I'm peeing weed!
Marc-Antoine Fortune - Matureen' coon fartin'...

WEST HAM
Winston Reid - No twin rides!
Mohamed Diame - Home died, mama...

WIGAN
Franco Di Santo - Foot in narcs ad.
Maynor Figueroa - Oi! Re-fag your man!
Ronnie Stam - Stone Marin!

PRIMERA DIVISION - IT REALLY IS FOOTBALL FOR EVERYONE

If someone accidentally turned on the TV or came across some stream on the internet and the Sunday's game between Tigre and Boca Juniors was on, he/she certainly asked him/herself, what the hell? What are those maniacs talking about? Argentine Primera Division being interesting... Yeah, right.

Indeed, the aforementioned clash between a club by the name of Tigre (nickname Matadores) and a club, which is one of the most recognized football brands in the world, was incredibly... dull, putting it plainly and simply. No action at all.

So why would anyone bother to continue watching Futbol para Todos? If someone accidentally turned on the TV or came across some stream on the internet and the Sunday's game between River Plate and Estudiantes was on, he got the answer.

Well, it was not the best game ever, but it was a very decent match, decided by the David Trezeguet (yes, that one) wonder-volley. The goals in Primera Division are quite often spectacular, so here's one reason to watch it. One of the recent treats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-m5El5LnT8

But beautiful strikes can be seen in practically any league, you would argue. True. So there have been other reasons, why me and those other "maniacs" sit in front of TV or laptop in ridiculous (European) hours. For starters, the energy in the stadiums is (mainly) incredible. Songs, flags, colourful and passionate fans, banter... E. g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzaSGSsWdgg

Not convinced yet? Well, what about one of the fiercest rivalries in world football? Boca - River anyone? Sure, there are no such stars as in Real Madrid and Barcelona, but if I had to choose between those two, the "battle" of Buenos Aires (and Argentina) would get the nod. As the name suggests, it's not just a clasico, like that one in Spain. It's Superclasico. Want a visual? Youtube.

Next. What I love about Primera Division (and other South American leagues) is the fact you can see some really exciting players (some of them are listed below) at work. You have up-and-coming stars, you have established masters of the game, there are some veterans, players with "attitude", "los locos", you name it... And last but not least. Primera Division is anything but predictable.

In the last five seasons the Champions' list is certainly not what you would describe as, ehm, dull. Velez Sarsfield, Arsenal de Sarandi, Boca, Estudiantes, Argentinos Juniors, Banfield, River Plate have all been on top of Apertura (now called Torneo Inicial) or Clausura (now Torneo Final).

Yep, Argentina and its football league deserve to be (even more) recognized. Namely, that Great Britain's best friend hasn't exported just quality beef, but quality football and footballers, too. And this trend will continue. Surely.

So, which players are worth watching right now? Juan Manuel Martinez, Santiago Silva, Leandro Paredes,  Lucas Viatri, Nicolas Blandi, Juan Roman Riquelme (all Boca), David Trezeguet, Manuel Lanizini, Juan Iturbe, Rogelio Funes Mori, Ariel Rojas, Leonel Vangioni, Leandro Gonzalez Pirez, Rodrigo Mora (all River), Fernando Gago, Facundo Ferreyra (Velez), Denis Stracqualursi, Franco Jara (San Lorenzo), Bruno Zuculini, Jose Sand, Luciano Vietto, Mario Bolatti, Mauro Camoranesi (Racing), Gabriel Heinze, Maxi Rodriguez, Ignacio Scocco (Newell's Old Boys), Mario Regueiro, Silvio Romero (Lanus) and many, many others.

Currently, the clubs are at the beginning of Torneo Final 2013. After the 2nd round it's Lanus topping the table, along with River. Tigre, Boca and Godoy Cruz (led by one of the most charismatic faces in Argentine football - Martin Palermo) are just behind them.

But if you want to know more about this league, just visit a lovely site, dedicated to it. http://hastaelgolsiempre.com/

MLS - 'FILLE DE JOIE' LOOKING FOR REAL LOVE

Eighteen years ago the USA hosted FIFA World Cup. As a part of the US' bid to land the most important sporting event in the world they came up with something they called Major League Soccer. Being 15 at the time, along with the fact that internet here was as rare as honesty in politics, I didn't really know what to think about it. They can't be serious across the pond, I thought in 1994.

Football - as I prefer to call the beautiful game - in the land of the free was not exactly Julia Roberts in Pretty woman. Everybody loved her (despite doing the world's oldest job), (almost) nobody loved football despite being No. 1 practically everywhere else. "Richard Gere" rather spent his time with other ladies, like the NBA, MLB, NFL, NHL even. And he still does it today.

Regarding reputation of the MLS, little has improved since the first season in 1996, despite the "boom" after successful USA team at the World Cup 2002. It still gets a lot of stick from "traditional" football countries, and die-hard-Americana-influenced sports fans in the US.

But it's getting better. Gradually.

The doubters might be right in some aspects. But wrong in some, too. There are quite a few good points for following the MLS. I'm not saying I'm in love with it, I'm watching it here and there, but I respect what they're doing.

Living in a global village means that even the MLS finds the way to the most remote corners of our planet. TV and media coverage are improving, live matches can be seen wherever you want. And, frankly, it is quite a pretty sight.

There are many leagues across the world that have really poor infrastructure. This is not the case in the US. Stadiums are (mostly) quite good, and what's more important they're nicely filled. The average attendance in 2011 was 17,872, what is just a bit lower than in the Dutch Eredivisie or French Ligue 1 and about the same as the NBA and NHL.

It has to be said that technical and tactical quality of the football in the MLS cannot be compared to the Premier League, La Liga, Serie A, Bundesliga, but it's improving. Some of the American talents that play there, like Brek Shea, Juan Agudelo etc., could soon make themselves interesting for some European clubs. Like Tim Ream that joined Bolton couple of months ago.

Another aspect is money. Players in the MLS earn from 33,750 USD to 4,600,000 USD per year. And, frankly, those amounts of money (that can be upgraded with sponsorship money) have attracted quite a few famous footballers. Let's put aside the fact that they've come there mostly to earn a buck or two before ending their respectable careers.

For example, there are Arne Friedrich (Chicago Fire), Hamdi Salihi (DC United), "golden balls" David Beckham, Robbie Keane (both LA Galaxy), Marco Di Vaio, Matteo Ferrari, Alessandro Nesta, Bernardo Corradi (all Montreal Impact), Rafa Marquez, Teemu Tainio, Thierry Henry, Tim Cahill (all NYRB), Kris Boyd, Steven Smith (both Portland Timbers), Danny Koevermans, Torsten Frings (both Toronto) and Kenny Miller (Vancouver).

When New York Cosmos joins the MLS, I'm pretty sure there will be more of the "big-calibre" footballers there. It is rumoured that even Kaka wants to play in NYC.

Conclusion? There's too much going on in the MLS to completely ignore it. Of course, it's not the first choice but it's surely good enough to occasionally quench football thirst.

P. S. In the current season, the best teams in the MLS by points are San Jose Earthquakes, Real Salt Lake, New York Red Bulls, Sporting Kansas City, Houston Dynamo... On the top of the scoring chart there is Chris Wondolowski (San Jose) with 17 goals followed by Kenny Cooper (NYRB/13) and Alvaro Saborio (RSL/11), while the kings of assists are Dwayne De Rosario (DCU/10), David Beckham (LA/9) and Marvin Chavez (SJ/9).

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 38th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Here we are. The last blog of the season. A bit late - as was City's championship goal. A really dramatic finish of a dramatic season. Let's put City's win aside for a bit. Because there was a lot of drama going on in other aspects of the game, too. In fact, it was quite tense on the pitch of Ettihad Stadium. Even Begbie would fit in the mess - caused by (surprise, surprise) Joey "The Kung Fu...d up" Barton - nicely.

But even that little rascal couldn't stop "biches" (blue + riches) from conquering the league. Sir Alex probably already ordered a double 18-year-old in the 90th minute, but he poured it down his throat only to drown his sorrows. He just couldn't stand the fact his pal Mark Hughes betrayed him. And let the City to take the necessary points in dying moments of the season. Well, anyway, congrats to Manchester City. And its tactician Mancini, who was prepared to do anything for the win. Even to send Nigel De Jong to the Stadium of Light to sort things out with Wayne Rooney and his (useless) goal.

In the other last round matches, it's revealed that Defoe, Adebayor, Livermore (and I would add half of the Arsenal's squad) share the same barber as Raul Meireles, Everton players handcuff Steven Pienaar, Liverpool are unlucky even in the last game of the season, Jermaine Defoe does a whale (so they say... I'm not a biologist), Marton Fulop equals butter, the match between Wigan and Wolves satisfies some of the Only fools and horses cast, and more.

At this point I would like to thank all the tweeps for contributing factual, funny, ironic, satyric, clever, biased, and even stupid, tweets. Some of them were simply brilliant! Also, thank you, my beloved readers! Any ideas for the next season?


CHELSEA - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0)
@MLS_Analyst Remember 8 years ago when there were suddenly all those Chelsea fans? I wonder if they're wearing a lighter shade of blue today. @OptaParody 2.99 - It looks like Defoe, Adebayor and Livermore have been going to the same £2.99 a time barber as Raul Meireles. Shocking @bridgeviews Arguably the finest moment today: 'He cuts his own hair, he cuts his own haiiir, Raul Meireles, he cuts his own hair' #cfc #Chelsea


EVERTON - NEWCASTLE UTD 3-1 (2-0)
@davidsimpson88 Howard: "They [players] have handcuffed him [Pienaar] to the showers. He's not going back down to London." #EFC @MirrorFootball GOAL! Everton 3-1 Newcastle - Tony Hibbert takes pity on the Toon and scores for them


MANCHESTER CITY - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-2 (1-0)
@paul_tomkins While Barton will be hated by United fans if City now win, at least he tried to take out the entire City XI in a Kung-fu masterclass @sickipediabot Inspired by Man City's success, I'm going to make sure my kids win Sports Day by buying loads of fast, strong kids from other countries. @FootballFunnys What's the definition of irony? Man City winning the league in Fergie time. @Footy_Jokes Its just been announced that Joey Barton is an unlockable character on Mortal Kombat. @Martin_Carr Joey Barton is a pacifist, a pacihead, paciknee and a pacielbow. #motd @OptaParody 1 - Micah Richards is apparently the 1 player from Manchester City that Joey Barton didn't fancy a dust up with. Lad @royhendo The Joey Barton moment was basically the bit in Trainspotting when Begbie tosses the pint glass off the balcony.


NORWICH CITY - ASTON VILLA 2-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 15 - Grant Holt PL goals this season, the joint-most by a player for a newly-promoted side since Andy Johnson for Palace in 04/05 (21). Leap


STOKE CITY - BOLTON 2-2 (1-2)
@JacquiOatley Muted celebrations from Jonathan Walters after his goals for Stoke v Bolton...helped to relegate his former club. #BWFC #scfc


SUNDERLAND - MANCHESTER UTD 0-1 (0-1)
@MirrorFootball Mancini sends out De Jong to warm up. Going to send him up to Sunderland for 2nd half to kick Wayne Rooney in the chest @StupidFootball Are you a Man United fan devastated by City's title win? Cheer up. Things could be a lot worse... You could be living in Manchester. @tonguetweets Fergie in his book: "Mark Hughes is a warrior with whom you would trust your life" And your title? #MUFC #QPR @StupidFootball Rooney's overhead-kick against Man City was voted the greatest Premiership goal ever. Yesterday's against Sunderland was the most useless.


SWANSEA - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0)
@SurrealFootball Liverpool: the first team ever to be unlucky for all 38 games in a season. @FunnyGooner Liverpool 2009: £41 million spent, 63 points Liverpool 2010: £47 million spent, 58 points Liverpool 2011-12: £92 million spent, 52 points


TOTTENHAM - FULHAM 2-0 (1-0)
@OptaJoe 20 - Jermain Defoe is the first player to score 20 goals as a substitute in Premier League history. Tracksuit. @ItsEvaSamuel Ryan giggs did miss wales, jermaine defoe did miss whale


WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ARSENAL 2-3 (2-2)
@andygoldstein05 Just seen the Arsenal goals...I'm guessing Fulop isn't a spurs fan. @BBCSport Fulop's first English club was Tottenham - signed in summer of 2004 but never played a competitive game for them @OptaJoke 3 - Marton Fulop needed 3 more errors to be signed by Arsene Wenger this summer. Butter.


WIGAN - WOLVERHAMPTON 3-2 (2-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Wigan 2-1 Wolves: Boyce - Marlene will be happy @sickipediabot Wigan fans are delighted after todays win. With their 11th of the season, the team can now dedicate one to each of their fans. @OptaJoe 1 - Matt Jarvis' goal at Wigan means Wolves have their first goal in the opening 15 mins this season, the last PL team to do so. Patient.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 37th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Unless a miracle happens on May 13th at Ettihad stadium, the Citizens will lift the trophy. They did their job as expected at the St. James' Park, although you can blame someone's mom for City's win. Anyway, the Manchester blues have the same number of points as Manchester reds, but far better goal-difference.

That's why and the fact that they play against QPR in the last round it would be utopian to expect a some kind of surprise. Or a gift for the loved ones from the other part of the city. The red ones need, well, snookers. In a way. And could use some help of a recently retired star Stephen Hendry.

On the other hand, Arsenal's fans aren't too happy after this round. Just a point is less than they expected versus Norwich. But they were a bit happier after the NUFC's in THFC's games. Yes, both of them failed to win. So, even in the battle for the 3rd and 4th spot, it could be useful to know some snooker. At least for the Spurs and Gunners.

In the other 37th round matches, Wolves are preparing for a trip to Barnsley, Bolton have been banned from keeping dogs, and more. A match of the round? Blackburn - Wigan. No, seriously. Huge on Twitter. Usually a yak is the animal, when you talk about newly-relegated Blackburn. But not this time. The chicken was THE animal this time.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "37th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 37th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...


ARSENAL - NORWICH CITY 3-3 (1-2) @UtdWeekly "I don't 1-2 be an Arsenal fan", said the Arsenal fan. #afc @rourkey4 I like Arsenal's new yellow and green home kit, playing so well. #AFC @TH14Vinayak It's not easy being an Arsenal fan... but it's hard not to love this team! . Except towards the end of the seaosn #Afc #Arsenal @ChitownArsenal Hopefully the players had collection plates during the lap of appreciation after that. We'll need the money w/ a 5th place finish #AFC


NEWCASTLE UTD - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-0) @StevieCJT The Toon Army chant that most iconic of footballing wisdom's "The Referee's a Wanker" #mcfc #nufc @bardiak My mom just woke up and said good morning, then city scored. I asked her to please go back to bed. #nufc #mcfc @paddypower Sooooo close from Aguero...Mrs Power was right...inches make all the difference #mcfc #nufc


ASTON VILLA - TOTTENHAM 1-1 (1-0)
@MardyyBum Danny Rose shown a RED CARD! Well, Roses are red... #thfc @huey07 Well looks like we need snookers. Typical #thfc #sameoldspurs


BOLTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-2 (1-0)
@ant176 Bolton players have been banned from keeping dogs as they can't hold onto a lead. #bwfc


FULHAM - SUNDERLAND 2-1 (2-1)
@OptaJoe 15 – Clint Dempsey has scored 15 goals in his last 15 appearances in all competitions at Craven Cottage. Enforcer. @PCarrESPN Clint Dempsey is the 1st Fulham player with 50 career Premier League goals.


QUEENS PARK RANGERS - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@InfostradaLive #QPR won their 5th home match in a row, their longest winning run at home in the top flight since a 5-match streak from Aug to Oct 1987


WOLVERHAMPTON - EVERTON 0-0
@Everton Wolves fans singing 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we're going to Barnsley'.


MANCHESTER UTD - SWANSEA 2-0 (2-0)
@The_Spend Phil Jones. Like watching a person made of elastic bands and porridge play football. #mufc @NotGusPoyet After persuading Paul Scholes to come out of retirement Sir Alex now try the same with Stephen Hendry for next week as #mufc need snookers


BLACKBURN - WIGAN 0-1 (0-0)
@StupidFootball Without Wayne Rooney's goals this season, Man United would be 1 point ahead of Blackburn. Fact. @tomEurosport Brilliant! Blackburn fans, presumably, release a chicken onto the turf at Ewood Park. @nhsriley That blackburn chicken is the best thing rovers have served up at home all season. Amazing! @PCarrESPN Chicken on the field at Blackburn. Cue up the fowl jokes. <- A new special for Venky's: Taste Of Relegation @NW3Gooner Blackburn fans taking 'feed the Yak and he'll score' too seriously and throwing a chicken onto the pitch. @PeteScuff After chicken released in themed animal protest at Blackburn, I'm concerned about Wolves next match. @KWAMMC This guy Modeste has really lived up to his name playing up top for Blackburn. Not good at all. @tomEurosport There's no escape from that Alcaraz goal for Blackburn.

LIVERPOOL - CHELSEA 4-1 (3-0)
@MikelArteta08 Just a reminder, £20m Stewart Downing has 1 arrest this season but 0 league goals and 0 league assists. #LFC #CFC @mj_afc LFC fans singing to Torres "You should have stayed at a big club." They are right, he shouldn't have left Atletico! @MirrorFootball Uh-oh - Alan Smith has awarded the man of the match bubbly to Andy Carroll. Give him a camera too and they'll have Hangover III in the can @MirrorFootball Carroll tries an ambitious chip... Which is funny, cos at the start of the the season, the only chips he cared about came with burgers etc

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 34th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Finally it's over. This was a really long round. This is just a short recap, what happened in it. Manchester City humiliated Norwich City due to a hattrick, scored by - some say - a complete arsehole. Steve Kean had prepared his team very well for the Swansea match, Manchester United was helped to an easy win by a young diver, Liverpool were embarrassed at the Anfield despite having an iron man in its defensive line, Peter Crouch put himself in the history books by scoring a milestone goal. In the wrong net, that is.

The last two matches were played tonight. There was a derby between Chelsea and Newcastle UTD for staying in the battle for the 4th spot. And guess who was the man of the match! No, not Fernando Torres. It was Papiss Demba Cisse, scoring both goals! So Chelsea are practically out of the Champions League spots. Arsenal, NUFC and Spurs (they beat Bolton) will battle for the 3rd and 4th in the last two rounds.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "34th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 34th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...


NORWICH CITY - MANCHESTER CITY 1-6 (0-2)
@Share_The_Match
Tevez hat-trick - where would City be now if he hadn't been a complete arsehole for two thirds of the season? Probably out of sight #mcfc
@RnRFootball
#Tevez celebrates hattrick by demonstrating his new golf swing picked up in Argentina these past few months. Clearly doesn't have a PR man
@MirrorFootball
Tevez uses his head (for once)


SUNDERLAND - WOLVERHAMPTON 0-0
@sorourkeITV
Ebanks-Blake being shaped like Beyonce is currently the highlight of #SAFC 0 #wolves 0. But like the weather, surely it's got to warm up.
@dodssssss
that game was a wet lettuce, a damp squid, really really poor #safc


SWANSEA CITY - BLACKBURN 3-0 (2-0)
@RobertDWoods
Well done Steve Kean that trip to watch QPR v Swansea was a good idea, you clearly exploited their weaknesses #bbcfootball


WEST BROMWICH ALBION - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 1-0 (1-0)
@WBAFCofficial
A sublime 30-yard strike by Dorrans . It's got to be a goal of the season contender! #wba
@matthewlhunter
The difference between Dorrans vs. a poor team and Dorrans vs. a good team is massive. Still a great player to have in the squad #wba


MANCHESTER UTD - ASTON VILLA 4-0 (2-0)
@TheHaikuKing
Ashley "SCUBA" Young/Dives to win a penalty/At Old Trafford. Cheat. #mufc
@InfostradaLive
Rooney has now scored multiple goals in 28 PL matches. Only Shearer (record 57), Henry, Fowler and Cole have done this more often. #mufc


ARSENAL - WIGAN 1-2 (1-2)
@MirrorFootball Oman! Al Habsi makes a worldy save to deny Benayoun.

LIVERPOOL - FULHAM 0-1 (0-1)
@9_Hendo Taking off Jordan Henderson for Stewart Downing is like choosing between having a right, or left leg amputated #lfc #ffc @BeyondthePitch Love these high-def closeups on players .. you can actually see the bolts in Skrtel's neck ..... be very afraid Clint, you've awakened him @soccerpaedia Liverpool should get a new stadium and change their motto to "hold up Ancestors, we will walk alone from here"

STOKE CITY - EVERTON 1-1 (0-1)
@MWBarnshaw Let's put our hands together and celebrate the 1000th Premiership goal this season..... Peter Crouch, with an own goal!!!! #superstar

CHELSEA - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1)
@DaveClark_AFP Aggressive start from Sarkozy #France2012 and from Cissé #NUFC 1 Chelsea 0 @SamWallaceIndy Another hat-trick for Messi. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, the team he can't score against are losing to NUFC & looking flat @KnottJoe Looks like I could be doing a drunk eBay buy of Cisse in 15 years as I did do the other week for Asprilla #NUFC @dce8 For some reason, Sports Direct charge £17 for XL in the home #nufc top, £34 all other sizes. Big Mike sympathising with the pie eaters?

BOLTON - TOTTENHAM 1-4 (0-1)
@allantweston Wheater gives s#it a bad name #bwfc #thfc @jeromeharris Adebayor! Adebayor! He slots in a second and now we have four! #ozspurs #COYS #thfc @devon_gooner turned tv off. seeing adebayor smile makes me sad.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 36th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

If you're tired of Manchester City and Manchester United, let's put it this way. Tonight there was a duel between Scarface and Shrek. The brave men were not battling for Falklands, for which they could - regarding one is from Argentina, the other from England. No, it was a much more important battle. A battle for a premier lady.

Before the duel that lady fancied Shrek a bit more, she almost gave her special prize to him in advance. But Scarface fought really well. He outplayed his rival and warmed that lady's heart, gained some of her love. But not enough (yet). The not so young and confused in the head Argentinian, compared with a low-hanging fruit, will have to fight another battle for the ultimate reward. This time against the Toon Army. In Newcastle. If he and his blue men win that, she'll submit to him completely.

And now for something completely different. Well, sort of. There were quite a few memorable moments in the other encounters on English battlefields, too. Starting with a hat-trick of the Liverpool's Uruguayan, who's been loved as a beer after work and on the other hand hated as a hangover the next day. The same goes to the ex-Liverpool's Spaniard. Not just the beer stuff, he also scored three goals. For Chelsea. Seriously. Yes, I do talk about Fernando Torres.

Both of them helped their clubs to easy and somewhat expected wins. But what was not expected, was the humiliating of Newcastle. By the mighty Wigan. But it must be said that one of the main Bible characters, Moses, who likes to be called Victor, has come to help them. Everton on the other hand were helped by the Croatian goal-machine. Nikica Jelavic scored a brace to sink sunburnt, hungover and suspiciously itched Fulham.

In the other 36th round matches, Peter Coruch tries (unsuccessfully) to replicate Tower of Pisa, Frazier Campbell's bothered by the sunny weather, Pep Guardiola doesn't scare Terry Connor, Spurs like bars even more than Andy Carroll, and more.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "36th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 36th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

EVERTON - FULHAM 4-0 (3-0) @blueside1878 Dempsey should put a blue shirt on at half-time. Just to see how easily he'll fit in next year #efc @hijackp When the ball's in the air and all you see is hair, that's Fellaini! #efc @paddypower Fulham couldn't look more like they're on their holidays if they had sunburn, a hangover and a suspicious itch around the genitals #efc @andybell88 This is like watching Barcelona - but a good Barcelona! #efc #coyb @everton

STOKE CITY - ARSENAL 1-1 (1-1) @piersmorgan Re the 'that wasn't a free header for Crouch' debate - it's ALWAYS a free header if you're Crouch. Unless Kristof van Hout is in goal. @Bosscielny Crouch keeps trying to replicate the Leaning Tower of Pisa but he just keeps toppling over.

SUNDERLAND - BOLTON 2-2 (1-1) @FraizerCampbell I'm not injured tweeps. Just got cramp in both calfs! Not used to all this sun in Sunderland #hawaythelads @Arsenes_Eyes I would love to see @TheBig_Sam get the chance he deserves at Barcelona. A front three of Messi, Iniesta & Kevin Davies? Unstoppable.

SWANSEA - WOLVERHAMPTON 4-4 (4-2) @OptaJoe 22 - Andrea Orlandi's goal for Swansea came after just 22s, the quickest goal of the season. Flying. @paddypower BREAKING: #WWFC Terry Connor says he is "relaxed" after Guardiola is linked to Wolves....

WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ASTON VILLA 0-0 @MulumbusMate Ben Foster isn't good enough. I'm sorry but we should've never sold Carson http://twitpic.com/9et4jx @THOMASAGREEN Ben Foster has to come out of international retirement. Unreal goalkeeper, Albions player of the season by a mile.

WIGAN - NEWCASTLE UTD 4-0 (4-0) @alrickbrown BREAKING NEWS!! Guardiola set to become Wigan manager: "I heard about this guy named Moses who parted the Orange Sea and had to manage him." @dazzgedd73 If Wigan played like this week in & week out, they would be fighting a Champions League spot and not to avoid Championship place!!

NORWICH CITY - LIVERPOOL 0-3 (0-2) @teamdave Good Grief. Suarez has scored a goal. *jaw drop* - excellent. Hopefully some big clubs are watching and will bid for him in the summer. #lfc @sgrodahl Pun of the season: Definitely the day when the man from Montevideo, will want the video. #espn #lfc

CHELSEA - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 6-1 (4-0) @MrJamesMcMath Where was the making? Terry could have been up to anything at that back post. QPR defenders just lucky none of their wives were nearby #cfc @duncanjenkinsFC torres rounds the goalie and finishes with a plum. he is not a wolf in cheap clothing anymore, he is wearing "G star raw". #cfc #Q.P.R @darrenrusse11 Paddy Kenny's got that look about him, of a mole who's just come up to the surface and had bright light in his eyes. #QPR #CFC @Sapphire_LFC He'll knee you in the back, he'll stab you in the back, he plays in centre-back and he'll hate you if you're black. #CFC #Chelsea

TOTTENHAM - BLACKBURN 2-0 (1-0) @hotfunkybiscuit Unflattering camera angle on Paul Robinson looking a bit chunky from behind #brfc #thfc #babygotback @fingolfin82 Gareth bale you are not nor ever will be Cristiano Ronaldo so stay on the left! #thfc @da1seggy Has Sandro been watching Any Given Sunday? He's doing his Willie Beaman throw up on the pitch impression #thfc @corneliusGORTON Blackburns lack of possession is making the Brazilian sick #BRFC #THFC @MirrorFootball @Tweetistuta Bar-count now goes up to 3 today for us. I swear we hit the bar more times than Andy Carroll. #thfcž @DJohnsy_1988 Kyle walker...... Roberto carlos' brother!! #thfc

MANCHESTER CITY - MANCHESTER UTD 1-0 (1-0) @forevruntd SAF takes charge of 995th league game for United & Mancini with his 95th PL game as City manager. Gap. #mufc @jonny_power SAF going for a 'euro away' formation, which worked really well this season #MUFC @jklette43 Park Ji Sung is the human tuxedo. Fergie only uses that guy for special occasions. #MUFC @weirdo67 love Gary Neville on Sky 'Tevez was a low-hanging fruit for 5 months and no-one picked him up' #mufc #thisistheone @brizinorth "The wind is going to play havoc with that" says the commentator as Rooney skies it. Referring of course to Wayne's hair #mufc #mcfc @gram_robinson29 would rather eva mendez was breaking up with me than been 1-0 down here. 45 minutes left, still all to play for #MUFC @almole Giggs hasn't look this pissed off since the last time he opened Tweetdeck #mcfc.#mufc @reubenmunroe Youngs just arrived at the ground straight from manchester leisure centre. Had a couple of hours practising off the 10 m boards. #mcfc #mufc

SLOVENIA WELCOMES ROONEY'S AND FABREGAS' SUCCESSORS

I am quite sure the round-ball enthusiasts know pretty much all about Wayne Rooney, Cesc Fabregas, Nuri Sahin, Toni Kroos, Bojan Krkić. And Connor Wickham and Kyle Ebecilio even. Some of them are already established superstars, some of them are still the diamonds in the rough. But all of above mentioned have something more in common. They were all once picked as the best players in UEFA Euro U17.

This year's tournament of the future football stars is hosted by Slovenia (4th - 16th May). My lovely country, squeezed between Italy, Austria, Hungary, Croatia and the Adriatic sea, decorated with various types of forests, picturesque mountains (although I'm not much of a mountaineer), a couple of lovely lakes, good food and even better booze, is worth a visit. Yes, like in every other country the self-centered politicians spoil the could-be paradise, but let me ignore them. As I often do. The country is still beautiful. As is football. The most beautiful game in the world.

The tournament, which will surely uncover some of the future stars, will be played in four towns. Lendava and Maribor in the eastern part of the country will host the matches of the Group B, which consists of Slovenia, Poland, Belgium and the Netherlands, champions of Europe in 2011. In central part of Slovenia, in Domžale and Ljubljana, there will be matches of Group A (France, Iceland, Georgia, Germany). The semifinals and final will be played in Stožice (part of Ljubljana) at the newest and biggest Slovenian stadium with a capacity of near 16,000.

The experts say the successors of Johan Cruyff, Ruud Gullit, Marco van Basten... will be the team to beat. "I think they are the main favourites of the tournament. Even other experts that follow these kind of championships say, that the Netherlands possess the most talent, have the best quality of play etc.," said former Slovenian international Marko Simeunović, also one of the two ambassadors of the UEFA under 17 championship. The other is a former Slovenia striker Sašo Udović.

The Dutch coach Albert Stuivenberg hasn't been surprised by sticking them the favourites' role. "I think the media will say 'the Netherlands are the favourites in that group'. But we have a whole new group; every year we have a new team so it's always a very exciting period for the players, because they experience for the first time what playing at a European Championship means. It's a great challenge for us as staff to prepare well, and hopefully it will be enough," he told UEFA.com.

Their first opponent at the coming Euro will be the hosts, who count on a massive support in Maribor. The Ljudski vrt stadium (capacity cca. 12,000) has a reputation of being the 'hottest' venue in Slovenian football, which could not be bad at all for the ambitious Slovenians, who'd like to progress at least to the semifinals.

"It's just what I wanted. The first game of the tournament versus the strongest team out there. In these kind of situtations you have the biggest chance for the upset. They don't know us, we know something about them. I've seen them play, they are a very good side, very organized, but I believe we can make a good result there," were the first words of the Slovenian coach Miloš Kostić after the draw. Which took place on April 4th in one of Ljubljana hotels.

Although Kostić refused to name the players for which he believes can succeed in the world of football, he's convinced that this Euro will surely offer a lot of joy. "You'll see some of the future stars. That's for sure. I've been to quite a few matches of the teams, which qualified for the final stage. And all of them have some outstanding players. Yes, there are many factors influencing your path to the football greatness, but there are already some footballers, resembling some of the world's greatest with some moves. It will be a lot of joy watching them," concluded Kostić.

* Schedule (hours in CET): * Group A: Friday, May 4th: 1830 Ljubljana: Georgia - Germany, 2030 Domžale: France - Iceland, Monday, May 7th: 1730 Domžale: France - Georgia, 1830 Ljubljana: Iceland - Germany, Thursday, may 10th: 1930 Ljubljana: Germany - France, 1930 Domžale: Iceland - Georgia.

* Group B: Friday, May 4th: 1400 Lendava: Poland - Belgium, 2015 Maribor: Slovenia - Netherlands, Monday, May 7th: 1700 Maribor: Netherlands - Belgium, 2015 Lendava: Slovenia - Poland, Thursday, may 10th: 1730 Lendava: Netherlands - Poland, 1730 Maribor: Belgium - Slovenia.

Sunday, May 13th: 1730/2030 Ljubljana: semifinals

Wednesday, May 16th: 18.00 Ljubljana: final

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 35th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

The opening match of the 35th round was a London derby. Everybody expected a cracker - but got a snore-fest. Ok, the footballers of a club, which got its name by putting -nal to a, well, backside, hit the post/bar twice, but otherwise it was as boring as baseball. Or cricket, if you want. No wonder then that a season-high number of fans at the Emirates were... quiet. However, it is possible they had missed Didi Drogba, who was left out due to olympic campaign. Some say, he really likes jumping in the pools of water. In acrobatic fashion.

Much more exciting was at the St. James' Park, as the NUFC's stadium will be (again and rightly so) called on "no-sponsors-names-allowed" Tuesdays and Wednesdays in the next season. The Magpies got another three points and are serious contenders for one of the Champions League spots. Yes, Papiss Demba Cisse scored again.

As did Wazza (literally in the theater, it was as quiet as the Emirates!). He's now in the top 4 of United's all time scoring list. And just a goal behind Robin van Persie in the battle of EPL "capocannoniere". Who has an abstinence crisis of some sort. He was told to go back to what he was smoking before... Anyway, despite the goals by the hair-plugs, the Red Devils didn't win versus the blues from Liverpool. In addition, the blues from Manchester beat the Wolves from Falklands. This means that the Manchester derby next Monday will probably decide this year's champion.

In other 35th round matches, waving middle fingers is obviously a common way to greet Alex McLeish, a Canadian rescues Blackburn from the crapper, Philippe Senderos scored (no, really!), Liverpool - WBA game is like a delayed ejaculation, and more. Must see: why would Tottenham's big-eared star Gareth Bale fit in Barca's squad perfectly? A hint: it has nothing to do with the testis as there is a shortage of them in the lilywhites' shorts.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "35th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 35th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

ARSENAL - CHELSEA 0-0
@YouAreMyArsenal Didier Drogba has been rulled out of the Emirates clash v #Arsenal. He has Olympic diving trials with Bale & Young.
@MountainWAG
Malouda has a haircut that screams, "I passed out at a Sublime show & woke up like this." Even #afc players are astounded. #hairfail @TheGinge87 'Always a threat John Terry'. Yeah he is when your wife is around. #cfc #afc @bluechampion Mike Dean is a kind referee. He listens to Arsenal players before he makes his decisions. #afc #cfc @JeParleGeordais Emirates, world's most expensive library #afc #cfc #noatmosphere @BobbyDigital45 Gervinho: wtf are u about? Do u actually know how to play football? And why did u fool Wenger with that brazilian name when u from IC! #AFC

ASTON VILLA - SUNDERLAND 0-0
@danwalkerbbc Villa have had 350 corners in the PL since last scoring from 1! (James Collins, Nov 2010 v Blackpool) #DullButFascinating #stat #AVFC @molotov_bomb Heskey on :( You literally might as well bring on a cat. #avfc @EdFitter McLeish went over to fans, 2 men learned over to him and waved their middle fingers in anger at him, he looked destroyed. Ouch.. #avfc

BLACKBURN - NORWICH CITY 2-0 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Blackburn 2-0 Norwich - Hoilett pulls Rovers out the toilett? @joshboswellbrfc Mauro Formica is a recession Kaka.

BOLTON - SWANSEA 1-1 (1-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Bolton 1-1 Swansea - Eagles gets home side flying again

FULHAM - WIGAN 2-1 (0-0)/
@FulhamFC So Martin Jol makes two changes from the Chelsea match, Kelly and Frei are replaced by Senderos and the returning Pogrebnyak #FFC @DaviDiggz Pogrebnyak proving to be a good bargain for Fulhan FC with his ongoing love affair for the opposing sides netting. @richardosman Phillipe Senderos has scored? You're kidding? My auto-correct will only accept 'Phillipe Senderos hasn't scored'. #COYW

NEWCASTLE UTD - STOKE CITY 3-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 11 - Papiss Demba Cisse has equalled Mick Quinn's Premier League record of most goals in his first 10 games (11). Unstoppable. @atoonlad Incentive for #NUFC to reach the CL, UEFA don't allow sponsored stadiums so all home games will be at St. James' Park” @jozxyqk76 Having a Guinness in honour of the amazing black & whites #nufc

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - TOTTENHAM 1-0 (1-0)
@paddypower And #THFC's Gareth Bale is quite a player- but imagine what he'll be like when he evolves... @FRfootballLiam #Taarabt scores a free kick. "Put that in your pipe and smoke it Harry!" You can almost hear him say. #QPR 1-0 #THFC @Mo_Diame21 Bale looks like a #Barca player.............not capable of scoring in West London #QPR #thfc @mktuam #Spurs need Testicular Fortitude...anyone know who he plays for? #COYS #THFC

MANCHESTER UTD - EVERTON 4-4 (1-1)
@georgiebingham Er - is Rooney attempting a Roy Keane/James from Geordie Shore Combover? Noooooooo. We get it! The hair transplant worked! #MUFC Ashwin Venkat ‏ @avenkat10 @PGrealey Pienaar has changed the message on his vest to JELAVIC IS GREAT!! @SamWallaceIndy MU all-time goalscorers: Charlton 758 apps/249 gls; Law 404/237; Rowley 424/211; Rooney 362/180. Rooney's goal to game ratio is very good @eugineprince Now Rooney is just a goal behind RVP. The Dutchman shud go back to what he was smoking @NileshP7 The only positive was Rooney & Welbeck doing a nice impression of Yorke and Cole. Unfortunately our back 4 did an impression of Wolves, ffs.

LIVERPOOL - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 0-1 (0-0)
@chrislepkowski Odemwingie goal is Albion's first at Anfield since November 1985. That's also the last time #wba scored in open play vs LFC @liverpooldeep LFC remind me a bit of when you're playing 2 player on FIFA and the other person leaves the room, you unpause, and you still can't score. @kitster29LFC This game is the football equivalent to delayed ejaculation. Everytime we hit the vinegar strokes, we start thinking about tax returns. #LFC

WOLVERHAMPTON - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-1)
@spider76efc Just learnt that etihad translates into English as unity, so you could say in a way that man city play at the united stadium @UnitedsRedArmy And the commentator said "those supporting Man City have pessimism in their DNA" no mate it's called wankerism #UNITED @joshuaax1234 Love how wolves are relegated and can hear them singing and man city are nearly winning the league and can hear a thing. Wish I was there. @FourFourTom Wolves fans to Tevez and Aguero: "The Falklands are ours, the Falklands are ours, f*ck off you Argies, the Falklands are ours!" - genius.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 32nd AND 33 rd ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Easter holidays. Plenty of food, plenty of football. That's why this is a "double". After these two rounds of EPL it is pretty much clear that MUFC's 20th title is just seconds of downloading away.

Or is it? What the red ones showed against Wigan was not exactly champions' performance. Tottenham disappointed, too. In fact they were so poor, that the fans took the opportunity and did a fire-drill. Of some sort.

Anyhow, there were a lot of good tweets this week, so I will not bother you anymore. Scroll down and you might get a tear or two in the eye... A little teaser: even Andy Carroll and Ron Jeremy are down there. In the same tweet!

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "32nd/33rd edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 33rd round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

32nd round
SWANSEA CITY - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1)
@OptaJoe
66 - Papiss Demba Cisse has the best current minutes/goal ratio in Premier League history. Hotshot.
@MirrorFootball
All we are saying, is don't give Papiss a chance...
@waggo8
What do Papiss Cisse and Andy Carroll have in common?Nothing @itsyourboyadey
@ryantcb
Swansea game was like the Indiana Jones Scene where this swordsman does all the fancy sword swinging and Jones just shoots him

SUNDERLAND - TOTTENHAM 0-0
@scjessey
The game is so narrow, it's like watching it being played in a hallway. Players keep bumping into each other. #COYS #THFC #Spurs
@IRCFootball
Super Brad Friedel hasnt missed a premier league game since 15th May 2004, 298 games. Someone in our chatroom said, he needs a life. #thfc

BOLTON - FULHAM 0-3 (0-2)
@OptaJoe
5 - Clint Dempsey has now netted five goals in the last three games against Bolton Wanderers. Threat.
@TheLiamC
Dear any deity who may hear and care, give #FFC a win tomorrow and I will abstain from self-love for a month...

CHELSEA - WIGAN 2-1 (0-0)
@chelseafc
Chelsea fans singing about a pigeon in the ground.........pretty much sums up the first half. #CFC (SL)
@SharonFT9
we robbed Wigan yesterday and it felt good. ;p

LIVERPOOL - ASTON VILLA 1-1 (0-1)
@craig_holdenLFC
I wonder if #lfc ticket prices go down next season? Anyone who says the money we pay is worth watching that calibre of "football" is a liar.

NORWICH CITY - EVERTON 2-2 (1-1)
@philmcnulty
Watched Nikica Jelavic for Rangers & doubted whether he would do it in the Premier League - another one I called correctly.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION - BLACKBURN 3-0 (1-0)
@FourFourTom
Let's play the "make a sentence from the West Brom v Blackburn squads" game. "Long Cox Orr Modeste, Kean Goodwillie". I think I win.

STOKE CITY - WOLVERHAMPTON 2-1 (1-1)
@M_arioBalotelli
Latest possession stats: Stoke - 5%, Wolves - 5%, Ball needlessly pumped into the air by Stoke - 90%.

MANCHESTER UTD - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 2-0 (1-0)
@mufcfans
Loading 20th Title: ██████████████████_] 90% Complete | #MUFC

ARSENAL - MANCHESTER CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@mufcfans
Who said Wenger doesn't deliver trophies? #MUFC #AFC

33rd round
EVERTON - SUNDERLAND 4-0 (0-0)
@danwalkerbbc
17 out of 10 for Pienaar today. The footballing equivalent of @bubbawatson's hook of doom at Augusta #EFC

NEWCASTLE UTD - BOLTON 2-0 (0-0)
@JackWilshere
Shock Cisse scored! #player
@anthlowther
My dad calls pappis cisse "a snipers nightmare". Coz his head is so small.

TOTTENHAM - NORWICH CITY 1-2 (1-1)
@henrywinter
#ncfc fans noting a few #thfc fans leaving start singing: 'Is there a fire drill?" 1-2 88

ASTON VILLA - STOKE CITY 1-1 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball
This is Stoke's 51st game of the season. not including the World Cup in New Zealand

FULHAM - CHELSEA 1-1 (0-1)
@John_KKK_Terry
Chelsea FC will no longer play any games on January 31st, due to the tragic signing of Fernando Torres. The memory is just too painful.

BLACKBURN - LIVERPOOL 2-3 (1-2)
@rogbennett
Crazy game. Can you think of 4 more unexpected words than "Match Winner Andy Carroll." "Ron Jeremy For President" perhaps?

MANCHESTER CITY - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 4-0 (1-0)
@NotTheRealLJK
Dreamt I lived with Aguero and I'd been teaching him Manc slang. He said "Cheers Love" when his missus handed him a drink.

WIGAN - MANCHESTER UTD 1-0 (0-0)
@paddypower
#MUFC: after a disappointing night, sir Alex confirms Phil Dowd will be dropped to the bench for the next match. Makes sense #taxi
@henrywinter
#wafc 1 #mufc 0. Deserved. Wigan sharper, more defiant. Scorer Maloney man of match. At ft, DJ played 'The Great Escape' & 'I'm a Believer"

WOLVERHAMPTON - ARSENAL 0-3 (0-2)
@Arsenes_Eyes
"Hi Harry? Arsene here. I've just found a Gap in Wolverhampton. Is it yours? I heard that you lost one recently" #Arsenal #AFC

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - SWANSEA CITY 3-0 (1-0)
@KeithCostigan
QPR fans chanting "it's like watching paint dry" to Swansea fans.
@Betfairpoker
When Joey Barton scored that goal, he did the worst ever goal celebration: forming a hashtag with his hands.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 31st ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

As the season progresses it seems that red will be THE colour. Despite Steve Kean put everyone in the bus (double-decker in fact) and parked it in front of his goalkeeper, creatures from hell (well, aren't they the devils or something) got what they came for.

They even didn't need help from Beelzebub (the latter even tried to eliminate one of his men, but, luckily for the ginger one, his lasers didn't work), although he was there - just in case. You didn't notice him? Maybe the telly misled you. Namely, they also call him Howard Webb. Anyway, the devils with great wings (they even have names for them - Young and Valencia) are flying high.

On the other hand, the oil-fueled blue moon is in somewhat descending mode. The experts' evaluation of the current situation of the richest (Manchester-based) not-so-natural satellite is -5. One of the reasons for getting more and more into the cold is B-52. Its Danish version is causing mayhem across the EPL - lately by air-strikes. And the before mentioned moon was not an exception.

In other 31st round matches, one of the Norwich City players causes damage to speakers, one of the Arse's players should be sacrificed, one of the Bolton players imitates Liam Neeson, one of the Liverpool players is dazed and confused by black&white combination, one of the Tottenham players is not a chronically idle clown with the first touch of a concrete elephant, and more.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "31st edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 31st round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

ASTON VILLA - CHELSEA 2-4 (0-1)
@TomOakley_:
Goals and assists in the last two weeks: Torres = 3 goals & 4 assists. Van Persie = 0 goals & 2 assists. #CFC"
@OptaJoe
1035 - Fernando Torres has scored his first Premier League goal in 1035 minutes. Refreshed.

EVERTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-0 (1-0)
@Everton
Referee Peter Walton making his final PL outing today before moving to the USA. His first game was a 2-1 Everton win over West Brom here
@vviinneerr
If you google : everton afro , it takes you directly to the wiki page of fellaini

FULHAM - NORWICH CITY 2-1 (2-0)
@OptaJoe
7 - Only Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie have scored more PL goals in 2012 than Clint Dempsey. Radical.
@BigGrantHolt
Just heard Aaron Wilbraham on my radio. His voice broke my bass speakers. #ncfc
@Juanmigo
Also, today was #Wilbrahamovic's 100th career goal. wished better circumstances for it, but still some achievement. #ncfc well done alby!

MANCHESTER CITY - SUNDERLAND 3-3 (1-2)
@BrentsGotNards
Best thing to come out of Sweden since Roxette! #larsson #safc
@BrentsGotNards
A team that cost £50kajillion to assemble and they have to dive. Ridiculous. #safc #mcfc
@prestonj85
B-52 strikes again! #mcfc #safc
@TopRed99
WOWZERS....I just made a mess in my trousers!! Sunderland 3-1 YEEE HAAA the lads #SAFC #MCFC
@InnaMUFC_Vettel
That between Balotelli&Kolarov was epic.Mario was looking like he's ready to beat up his own team mate for 1 free kick.And thats team spirit

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - ARSENAL 2-1 (1-1)
@OptaJoe
22% - Arsenal have won a lower percentage of games against QPR than versus any other opponent in PL history (22%). Hooped.
@arsnllatest
And when I say sacrifice Aaron Ramsey, I actually mean sacrifice. With an altar and a knife and everything. Hopeless. #afc
@TEAMtalk
Were we seeing things or did #qpr striker Adel Taraabt just put a fez on when he scored v #afc? Think he got booked for it too!

WIGAN - STOKE CITY 2-0 (0-0)
@BusinessStudies
Don't know why we ever bother to turn up to play Wigan. We always give them points. Hope we aren't as charitable next week.

WOLVERHAMPTON - BOLTON 2-3 (0-0)
@OptaJoe
3 - Bolton Wanderers have won three league games in a row for the first time since December 2006. Fightback.
@MirrorFootball
GOAL!!! 3-1 to Bolton now. Kevin Davies does to Wolves what Liam Neeson did in The Grey.

NEWCASTLE UTD - LIVERPOOL 2-0 (1-0)
@BeyondthePitch
More cheating going on in this NUFC-LFC match than a swingers convention already, buckle up for some wildness
@Sector29
So, Skirtle obviously thought, "what can I do to improve my looks?" Yes. Two armfuls of tattoos. That's lovely. #nufc
@MatthewJRudd
Suarez is playing really poorly against #nufc. Maybe he's confused by how good it looks to see black and white together.
@Geordie4Ever1
Tell me Ma me Ma I want be home for tea, I'm going to Italy, tell me Ma me Ma #nufc #toonineurope

TOTTENHAM - SWANSEA 3-1 (1-0)
@Barrell89
So we send Bale down the left and whaddya know, he tears Swansea a new one #thfc
@da1seggy
Scott Parker has got his headless chicken suit on today. Calm down fella #thfc
@Doyoulikebread
Pleat's commentary = Player nationality + adjective. 'The diminutive Croatian' 'Brazilian maestro' Welsh Wizard' 'English muffin' #THFC
@Mitchtaylorr
If Gareth Bale was black, Usain Bolt would have a problem #thfc
@markwools
Can we bring my nan on for Adebayor.. She'll do a better job.!!!!
@ByRobDavies
I take it all back Adebayor, you're not a chronically idle clown with the first touch of a concrete elephant after all. #thfc

BLACKBURN - MANCHESTER UTD 0-2 (0-0)
@SihleSays
Scholes "foul": Those are the sort of decisions that lead people to alcoholism Mr Webb #mufc #blackburn
@edmorgans
Webb repeatedly points at Scholes, hoping for lasers to fly from his fingers and strike the red-head down, but no luck. #MUFC
@camden560
I bet Ronaldinho is sat in Santos proper gutted his brother couldn't sort out a move to Blackburn #mufc #brfc
@PubChick
Im glad my neighbours aren't all that close.. Cause the way Im screaming "GET IT IN!!!" repeatedly could be awkward to explain. #mufc
@arthurpdent42
Proof that Twitter can tell the future... Ashley Young was trending top 10 worldwide BEFORE he scored #mufc

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 30th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

There aren't (or shouldn't be) a lot of people who would predict a goal of the season being scored by a 6 ft 7 very thin robot-wannabe. But guess what! It happened. A clumsy looking grasshopper lookalike scored a beauty!

And he scored it against the mighty City. Oh, he was happy! As were his teammates... And the whole red part of Manchester. Which saluted another robot. A sophisticated one. Or so they say. What a transformation from a man, who was constantly being sent to not so pleasant places, to a Beckenbauer-ish ball-kicker.

The gunners were also firing the salvos of joy. They easily beat boring Aston Villa. And surely some kind of a miracle happened. After 15 years two Englishmen scored for the Arse. One man team? Scoring record says no.

In other 30th round matches, Stamford Bridge wants meteorite shower, Wigan still haven't beat a "top 6" side, although they won versus King Kenny's ashamed (I think that is why they wear red) boys, Grant Holt has tackling skills like a pig-chasing farmer, Nicklas Bendtner wears a magic mask, the Toon Army supports Brazil, and more.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "30th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 30th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

CHELSEA - TOTTENHAM 0-0
@liam_twomey
Jose Bosingwa is the Theo Walcott of full-backs: Quick, and... #cfc #thfc
@apeman383
This game needs a goal. Sorry I meant meteorite shower. #thfc #cfc
@sloanjsloan
Friedel looks like he should be repairing the roads with that bright orange kit on #thfc #cfc

ARSENAL - ASTON VILLA 3-0 (2-0)
@footyfinance
Gervinho's head is slowly losing the battle with the octopus trying to devour it. #AFC
@TimothyAbraham
First time two Englishmen have scored in a Premier League game for Arsenal since 1997. #AFC #AVFC
@STATS_Football
Kieran Gibbs becomes the 17th different Arsenal player to score this season, most in the EPL."

BOLTON - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0)
@OptaJoe
18 – Bolton have conceded more set piece goals than any other team in the Premier League this season. Statues.. #motd
@MirrorFootball
Blackburn have Wheater intolerance. They're 1-0 down to an emotional Bolton

LIVERPOOL - WIGAN 1-2 (0-1)
@FunnyGooner
Kenny's excuse list: Injuries ☒ Referee ☒ Badluck ☒ Caroll Downing ☒ Tough opponent ☒ Suarez banned ☒ Missus angry ☒ Tight schedule ✔ #LFC
@YayaTory
He cheats, he dives, he hates the Jackson 5, Luis Suarez, Luis Suarez. #lfc #mcfc kkk
@PeterBolton3
Great Wigan Athletic fact: Up to yesterday they had never beaten a "Top 6" team away - And they still haven't!

NORWICH - WOLVERHAMPTON 2-1 (2-1)
@danwalkerbbc
The only problem with Grant Holt is that he tackles like a farmer trying to capture a runaway pig #agricultural #NCFC
@RnRFootball
Two goals and a red card. I think you could probably describe Grant Holt's performance today as all-action. #ncfc
@Jon_Earle95
Everyone saying Holt for England you're right just in the wrong sport, he should be in the national diving and eating team.

SUNDERLAND - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-1 (1-0)
@MsiDouglas
Joey Barton making more friends. Warming up as sub, just flashed #SAFC fans a '5-1' sign. Cue boos...
@Martin_O_Neill
Oh and I've told Bendtner he is NOT taking that mask off. EVER.
@davescholes
Is Nic Bendtner wearing that mask because he is injured or because he actually thinks he is a super hero? #supernic
@OptaJean
2 - Both of Djibril Cissé's two career red cards in league football have been for QPR. Fuse.

SWANSEA - EVERTON 0-2 (0-0)
@ShaunEB1327
Evertons top scorer is Baines with............... 4!!! Baines is a defender, so do Everton have any strikers?? :-)
@YourEverton
GOAL! Swansea 0-2 Everton. Nikica Jelavic tucks away from close range after Marouane Fellaini's pass from the right. 75 minutes gone. #COYB

STOKE CITY - MANCHESTER CITY 1-1 (0-0)
@iainmacintosh
Peter Crouch had no right to score that goal. He shouldn't be able to coordinate limbs that long with such precision.
@iainmacintosh
If ever there is danger, he'll be there. If ever you should need him, he'll come running. He is Yaya Toure. He is more machine than man.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION - NEWCASTLE UTD 1-3 (0-3)
@McNallyMirror
Papiss Cisse may not be able to speak English but he knows how to pu the ball in the net.#nufc 1-0 with Cisse's 4th goal since January move.
@ThisIsLiamM
#NUFC - It's like watching Brazil! Passing flowing football (in the sun). @NUFCOfficial #EPL
@Jowse
How is Perch moving so fast with Odemwingie in his pocket? #nufc
@NUFC_Stats
PL this season: Carroll - £11.67m per goal, Torres - £25m per goal, Cisse - £2m per goal, Ba - £0 per goal! #priceless #nufc
@OptaJoe
6 - Papiss Cisse is the joint-quickest Newcastle player in PL history to reach five goals (six games, same as Les Ferdinand). Adapted.
@MirrorFootball
Saw Cisse earlier buying a Louis Vuitton holdall. Papiss got a brand new bag

MANCHESTER UTD - FULHAM 1-0 (1-0)
@Zad189
Last night Ryan Giggs broke the record for most games played at 'one club'. His 903rd game, surpassed Maldini. What a player #CultHero #MUFC
@BD_19_Fact
Wayne Rooney is now 4 goals off Georgie Best's tally for the club, and 5 off becoming the 4th top scorer in #MUFC history #legend
@InfostradaLive
Rooney scores his 8th PL goal vs Fulham and equals PL record of scoring most goal vs Fulham held by Aiyegbeni, Henry, V Nistelrooy, Viduka.
@MirrorFootball
F-T Man United 1-0 Fulham: Look Roo's back on top of the league table!
@FourFourTom
Jonny Evans is a sophisticated footballing robot sent from the future to change the points total of Fantasy Football managers everywhere.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 29th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

It's been a marathon round. Hard to follow all the action. Almost as hard as to understand what the hell's going on in Carlos Tevez's head. Or in anybody's head involved with Man City.

However, the Argentine trouble's back. And it could be said he returned with a bang. Not that he scored versus Chelsea - but was one of the best performers. 24 minutes were enough to regain much of the lost love from the City's faithful. Comprensible? Yo no lo creo... Or something like that.

Even though City rose from the dead against Chelsea, the top spot is still in the hands of their bitter rivals. The red devils - who were seriously red-faced (so were the Citizens) after shameful display of power (personally I prefer Vulgar display of power) in Europe - wanted to hunt down some wolves.

But later they realized they had to shoot at some poodles. Obviously not everyone of the SAF's hunting squad wanted to be involved in this massacre, but the job was quickly done.

In fact so quickly that David De Gea, Jonny Evans and Rio Ferdinand soon sat down and played charades, while the ginger genius decided to erase the images of helpless doggies by watching Cosmo Kramer, George Costanza, "Mulva" and others doing their stuff in New York.

In other 29th round matches, someone called Sogoodsson buries Pogrebnyak&co., Wigan and WBA make internet history, Yakubu gets himself in the dictionary, Sebastian Coates makes people swear, and more.

P. S. Get well, Fabrice Muamba!

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "29th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 29th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

FULHAM - SWANSEA 0-3 (0-1)
@nialljgorton
At fulham game this afternoon...best song from Swansea fans: 'you're not s. Massey' to lino when he didn't give an offside
@devinpleuler
You pull off the inverted winger and bring on a classical winger, and what does he do? Cut inside. #fulham #frustrating
@johncrossmirror
Murphy on for blood stained Diarra after Fulham club shop complained they were running out of shirts. 0-2 Swansea
@3FiveTwo
#BPL #Fulham 0 #Swansea 3 - Goldy Sogoodson has hit a double against Fulham as they can close the gap on Liverpool.
@OptaJoe
7 - Gylfi Sigurdsson now has five goals and two assists for Swansea in just nine appearances. Gem.

WIGAN - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 1-1 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball
Wigan fans: in case you're unfamiliar, what you've got now is called a lead. 1-0 to the latics
@KarlreMarks
That Wigan 1-1 West Brom is trending worldwide should make you lose all faith in the system. This is the third most boring fact in history.

WOLVERHAMPTON - MANCHESTER UTD 0-5 (0-3)
@forevruntd
Congrats #Scholes!! He is now 3rd in the list of most appearances for United (689), behind Sir Bobby Charlton & Ryan Giggs. Legends. #mufc
@acrutd
Who's the Jonny evans impersonator with the passing ability of Paul Scholes in central defence? #MUFC
@CardinalPhink
I hare to see innocent animals suffer, gently puts wolves to sleep with a few comforting words #mufc
@liam_tomkins
This is the worst kind of football match to watch. It's like watching two boxers go at it, only one has no arms. #WWFC #MUFC
@R9Game
MUFC cruising..... de gea playing charades with evans and ferdinand back there... scholes in an armchair watching seinfeld...

NECASTLE UTD - NORWICH CITY 1-0 (1-0)
@Billy3Blyth
Cisse only puts them in the top corner #nufc
@BigGrantHolt
If anyone is wondering why I have a shiner, let’s just say I wont forget Mother’s Day next year. #ncfc

BLACKBURN - SUNDERLAND 2-0 (0-0)
@soccerpaedia
#Yakubu (yak;ubu) fat striker, useful for club and useless for country. Currently blackburn's messiah saving them from relegation see Defoe

MANCHESTER CITY - CHELSEA 2-1 (0-0)
@OptaJoe
4 - Despite playing only 24 mins, no player in Man City-Chelsea created more chances than Carlos Tévez. Return
@OptaJoke
155 - Number of days it's taken Carlos Tevez to warm up for his latest Man City appearance. Return.
@roy_keane_Esq
What is it with the Man City fans crying at every game? Is it that they've just realised they're Man City fans?
@MarioBaloteLAD
Me and Yaya are gonna go and take Tevez out for a walk around Manchester now. Was gonna invite Di Matteo but he might let go of the lead
@ArgentinaFW
Noel Gallagher: "Aguero is a team player, he's a great goalscorer, he's got a nice smile, a good haircut, and he's from Argentina."

TOTTENHAM - STOKE CITY 1-1 (0-0)
@JustASpur
He's just as good as Hoddle, he's better than Chris Waddle, his missus is a model, he's Rafael van der Vaart. #COYS
@piersmorgan
Morning @Lord_Sugar - hearing catastrophic reports re your Apprentice ratings last night. A collapse of Spurs-like proportions. Ironically.
@OptaSpurs
68 - In the last three Premier League games, Spurs have had 68 attempts on goal but have scored just two goals. Barren. (via @EPLIndex)
@samuelj29060
Greatest ever Spurs side is below the worst ever Arsenal side. #afc #thfc

EVERTON - ARSENAL 0-1 (0-1)
@tryan874
Open love seeing all these arsenal fans celebrating going above tottenham by one point shows where they as a club
@MickTheGooner
Using the Fernando Torres 'methodology' of goals to transfer fee ratio, Thomas Vermaelen is now worth £125m! #AtLeast! #Arsenal
@kenkeniff85
What's happened to all the arsenal fans that wanted wenger out??
@Orbinho
Arsenal have had 16 different goalscorers this season, the joint-most in the Premier League along with Everton & Man Utd. One-man team?

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - LIVERPOOL 3-2 (0-0)
@F365
The first chance you get to see Coates goal, take it. If you'll excuse us - holy f**king sh*t, that was special. #LFC
@RorySmithTimes
Sebastian Coates. Butter my onions. He must have a foot like a traction engine. #qpr 0-1 #lfc
@D_JACKAL11
Liverpool never Cisse to amaze me! #QPR
@KennyWFDLive
If Serie A rejects Taiwo and Cisse combine to score against you, you have no business thinking you are Champions Lge contenders. #LFC.

ASTON VILLA - BOLTON 1-2 (0-0)
@steviehannon
McLeish wasn't joking when when he said this was a 'transitional' season. We are changing divisions. #avfc
@kamshaheen
Messi misses. Ngog scores. What on earth is going on?! O_o

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 28th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

And another round of the English finest is completed. And another shocking news has been spread around the globe. Who would've thought that some swans, who like to call themselves Swanselona, were capable to bend the Blue Moon over and spank it properly!

Spanking may be likeable, enjoyable sexual practice, but - even if it resembles (table) tennis - in football it's not really wanted. Usually the third party's having the most fun. This time it was Manchester United that laughed their asses (well, we're talking about spanking, don't we?) off. And it's quite understandable... They're back at the top of the league. Due to a brace by hair-plugs. Which impressed, the hair-plugs that is, even no-fear-of-going-bald Cesc.

In other 28th round matches Tottenham downfall is caused by lasagna, a lot of rubbish were on the pitch in Bolton, Danny de Vito and Arnold Schwarzenegger somehow find the way to the Fulham attack, Liverpool are ashamed by a great Dane, KD Lang shows up in the Arse's midfield, and more..

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "28th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 28th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

BOLTON - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 2-1 (1-0)
@TCofLondon
Why don't women understand that it might only be Bolton & QPR that are playing, but it's still Football so it has to be watched?
@YorkEagle
Dear Mr @SeppBlatter could you please view the Bolton V Qpr game and tell me that there is No need for Goal Line Technology!
@McKendryPaul
Feel for the Bolton keeper. Ginger hair and a bright pink top, looks horrendous!
@ReneeConti
If I hear one Bolton fan complaining because the goal was offside, I'll hunt you down, kidnap you and make you get a season ticket at Wigan
@davidsedgwickNE
How much rubbish is on the pitch in the Bolton-QPR game?! And then there's all the plastic bags and bits of paper.

ASTON VILLA - FULHAM 1-0 (0-0)
@Minarzouki
Fulham's Johnson and Pogrebnyak remind me of Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie 'Twins'
@MirrorFootball
Fulham fans either chanting for a sixth goal, or they're hoping for some bedroom action when they get home
@DaleConnolly231
What is the point of bringing Weimann on at this time
@sportbbcwm
Andreas Weimann scores his first Premier League goal to seal a late victory for Aston Villa against Fulham. bbc.in/yV6GPj

CHELSEA - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@StupidFootball
Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo says he is pleased to have made it through almost a week without being sacked by Roman Abramovich.
@ChelseaChadder
Didier Drogba has become the first African to score 100 Premier League goals. #Chelsea #cfc

SUNDERLAND - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0)
@MirrorFootball
Kenny Dalglish has sent Andy Carroll to warm up. Probably figures if Bendtner can score, than anyone can
@MattPutland
It's 1 thing for the scousers to lose to a goal by a beach ball but surely losing to a goal by Bendtner yesterday is even more embarrassing

WOLVERHAMPTON - BLACKBURN 0-2 (0-1)
@OptaJoe
8 - Blackburn Rovers have scored first in all eight of their Premier League meetings against Wolves. Expected.
@OptaJoe
1 - Blackburn Rovers kept their first Premier League clean sheet in 31 games & first since 30/04/11 in the competition. Welcome.
@Yakubu_24
So Keans mighty Rovers have won 3 league games in 2012, 2 more than "King" Kenny and Andy 'the horse' Carrolls Liverpool. Kean for England?

EVERTON - TOTTENHAM 1-0 (1-0)
@AdamLeventhal
Since the England job became available. #THFC have lost 3 out of 4 in the league.
@timpayton
Is the Tottenham Chef now serving Lasagne for EVERY pre-match meal? Or is it that Spurs just don't have the stomach for pressure? Love it

MANCHESTER UNITED - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-0 (1-0)
@3eighty1
So i swore of alcohol for a week when i was nursing my hangover in the morning. But, I think this goal deserves a drink 8-) #mufc
@kevdig00
Ashley Young is having a blinder again today, and he cost £4m less than Downing who can't even spell blinder #mufc
@iaManUtd
0 - Manchester United haven't lost a home league game they've been leading at Half-Time since 1989. Relentless. #MUFC
@ALs_LFC_YNWA
Ryan Giggs has played 900 matches for Manchester United. Shockingly, he has never kissed the #mufc badge... To busy kissing his Sister inlaw
@SurrealFootball
I can't imagine a player who's ever had a scoring record like Rooney's this season whilst playing so badly.

SWANSEA - MANCHESTER CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@iainmacintosh
Huge credit to Swansea. Spanked 0-4 by City back in August, they've grown a lot since then. The spankee has become the spanker.
@atliottesen11
there only one United ! And there is only one city Swansea city it is

NORWICH CITY - WIGAN 1-1 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball
Wigan defence so full of holes their nickname should be... *drum roll*... the LATTICE! instantrimshot.com
@nicolajs91
Cant believe I'm going to say this but I actually enjoyed watching the football, might start supporting Wigan Athletic!

ARSENAL - NEWCASTLE UNITED 2-1 (1-1)
@Pete_Collins
Coloccini, with you hair like Aslan's mane. I'd let you "witch" my wife's "wardrobe". #NUFC
@mswinburn
So that's what KD Lang is up to now. Didn't realise she'd changed her name to Rosicky and plays for Arsenal. That's versitile #afc #nufc
@dgjones
Interestingly, seconds after writing a snarky tweet about walcott, I got a massive electric shock from the mains. God supports #afc
@JRP_Penguin
Great new line by Martin Keown - the game has been like 'chess on wheels'. Fantastic. #afc #nufc
@leevickers85
Yyyyyyyeeeeessssss I just smashed a plate and ejaculated at the same time #AFC