PREMIER ANAGRAMS - FOOTBALLERS' DIRTY SECRETS

They say the best artists, writers, poets have been a bit weird. Sick, if you want. I can completely understand that. I'm sick at the moment (some would say all the time, but we don't care about them, do we...), filling myself with all kinds of fruit, tea, drugs (not those drugs). Obviously my body's experiencing a bit of a shock. Used to drinking beer, my brain strangely suggested I should go behind the computer and write dumb stuff!

As we can't fight the organ, which should make us look smarter in other people's eyes (but that is not always the case, is it?), it was time to think about stupid things. As I was torturing my brain alphabetically, it wasn't long before I  got the idea. Anagrams.

Oh, what a cool thing to do with a sick body and mind! As I'm a huge football fan, I chose to do some footballers playing in the Premier League.  As you can see below, I chose two players of each team (well, if there was an obvious one, I put in the third also).

I added some punctuation marks to, well, emphasize the effect. Honestly, it didn't always work. But there are still couple of anagrams that should put a smile on your face! Or was it just me with my sick mind? Whatever.

You can see a stunning Florent Malouda's DNA, Seamus Coleman is dirty - as is Dimitar Berbatov, Stewart Downing has a weird hobby, Ryan Shawcross is a huge (too huge?) fan of Rory McIlroy.  Danny Welbeck knows a Washington secret, Simeon Jackson is rather appalled by Jose Mourinho's sex life.

 Leon Britton has a betting advice for LaDainian Tomlinson, Clint Dempsey shows no respect for Bond's M, Peter Odemwingie's winter-transfer experience has left huge consequences, Ronnie Stam gets a halftime instructions, how to stop Marko Marin, and many, many more.

ARSENAL
Abou Diaby - Baby Audio.
Bacary Sagna - Canary ab gas.

ASTON VILLA
Andreas Weimann - Rea was in men-DNA.
Marc Albrighton - Bring Colmar hat.

CHELSEA
Yossi Benayoun - Ben sins, you say...
Florent Malouda - A lot for mule-DNA...

EVERTON
Kevin Mirallas - Nivea kills RAM.
Seamus Coleman - Cum-meal season.

FULHAM
Damien Duff - Dead muffin.
Dimitar Berbatov - A morbid-vibe tart.

LIVERPOOL
Daniel Sturridge - Ill turd greandes.
Stewart Downing - Owning wet darts.

MANCHESTER CITY
David Silva - Vail vids ad.
Gareth Barry - Grab E.T., Harry!

MANCHESTER UNITED
Danny Welbeck - Kenyan blew D.C.
Anders Lindegaard - Dan is radar legend.

NEWCASTLE UNITED
Gabriel Obertan - Boring bee altar.
Shola Ameobi - O, Amish ebola.

NORWICH CITY
Andrew Surman - Damn raw nurse!
Simeon Jackson - Man on Jose - sick!

QPR
Esteban Granero - Tease N.N., Roger!
Fabio - Fobia.
Stephan M'bia - I hate PMS, Bean!

READING
Adam Le Fondre - One rad mad elf.
Ian Harte - Anti-hare!

SOUTHAMPTON
Steven Davis - Ass-event vid.
Rickie Lambert - Tickier Mr. Bale.

STOKE CITY
Wilson Palacios - CIA won a pill. SOS!
Ryan Shawcross - Can Rory show ass?

SUNDERLAND
Wes Brown - Owns brew.
Danny Graham - Ah, mad granny.
Titus Bramble - Berta's bum lit.

SWANSEA
Wayne Routledge - A needy lower gut.
Leon Britton - Bet on noir, L.T.!

TOTTENHAM
Clint Dempsey - Sip decently, M!
Kyle Naughton - Naughty on elk.

WBA
Peter Odemwingie - RT O, I'm peeing weed!
Marc-Antoine Fortune - Matureen' coon fartin'...

WEST HAM
Winston Reid - No twin rides!
Mohamed Diame - Home died, mama...

WIGAN
Franco Di Santo - Foot in narcs ad.
Maynor Figueroa - Oi! Re-fag your man!
Ronnie Stam - Stone Marin!

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 38th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Here we are. The last blog of the season. A bit late - as was City's championship goal. A really dramatic finish of a dramatic season. Let's put City's win aside for a bit. Because there was a lot of drama going on in other aspects of the game, too. In fact, it was quite tense on the pitch of Ettihad Stadium. Even Begbie would fit in the mess - caused by (surprise, surprise) Joey "The Kung Fu...d up" Barton - nicely.

But even that little rascal couldn't stop "biches" (blue + riches) from conquering the league. Sir Alex probably already ordered a double 18-year-old in the 90th minute, but he poured it down his throat only to drown his sorrows. He just couldn't stand the fact his pal Mark Hughes betrayed him. And let the City to take the necessary points in dying moments of the season. Well, anyway, congrats to Manchester City. And its tactician Mancini, who was prepared to do anything for the win. Even to send Nigel De Jong to the Stadium of Light to sort things out with Wayne Rooney and his (useless) goal.

In the other last round matches, it's revealed that Defoe, Adebayor, Livermore (and I would add half of the Arsenal's squad) share the same barber as Raul Meireles, Everton players handcuff Steven Pienaar, Liverpool are unlucky even in the last game of the season, Jermaine Defoe does a whale (so they say... I'm not a biologist), Marton Fulop equals butter, the match between Wigan and Wolves satisfies some of the Only fools and horses cast, and more.

At this point I would like to thank all the tweeps for contributing factual, funny, ironic, satyric, clever, biased, and even stupid, tweets. Some of them were simply brilliant! Also, thank you, my beloved readers! Any ideas for the next season?


CHELSEA - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0)
@MLS_Analyst Remember 8 years ago when there were suddenly all those Chelsea fans? I wonder if they're wearing a lighter shade of blue today. @OptaParody 2.99 - It looks like Defoe, Adebayor and Livermore have been going to the same £2.99 a time barber as Raul Meireles. Shocking @bridgeviews Arguably the finest moment today: 'He cuts his own hair, he cuts his own haiiir, Raul Meireles, he cuts his own hair' #cfc #Chelsea


EVERTON - NEWCASTLE UTD 3-1 (2-0)
@davidsimpson88 Howard: "They [players] have handcuffed him [Pienaar] to the showers. He's not going back down to London." #EFC @MirrorFootball GOAL! Everton 3-1 Newcastle - Tony Hibbert takes pity on the Toon and scores for them


MANCHESTER CITY - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-2 (1-0)
@paul_tomkins While Barton will be hated by United fans if City now win, at least he tried to take out the entire City XI in a Kung-fu masterclass @sickipediabot Inspired by Man City's success, I'm going to make sure my kids win Sports Day by buying loads of fast, strong kids from other countries. @FootballFunnys What's the definition of irony? Man City winning the league in Fergie time. @Footy_Jokes Its just been announced that Joey Barton is an unlockable character on Mortal Kombat. @Martin_Carr Joey Barton is a pacifist, a pacihead, paciknee and a pacielbow. #motd @OptaParody 1 - Micah Richards is apparently the 1 player from Manchester City that Joey Barton didn't fancy a dust up with. Lad @royhendo The Joey Barton moment was basically the bit in Trainspotting when Begbie tosses the pint glass off the balcony.


NORWICH CITY - ASTON VILLA 2-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 15 - Grant Holt PL goals this season, the joint-most by a player for a newly-promoted side since Andy Johnson for Palace in 04/05 (21). Leap


STOKE CITY - BOLTON 2-2 (1-2)
@JacquiOatley Muted celebrations from Jonathan Walters after his goals for Stoke v Bolton...helped to relegate his former club. #BWFC #scfc


SUNDERLAND - MANCHESTER UTD 0-1 (0-1)
@MirrorFootball Mancini sends out De Jong to warm up. Going to send him up to Sunderland for 2nd half to kick Wayne Rooney in the chest @StupidFootball Are you a Man United fan devastated by City's title win? Cheer up. Things could be a lot worse... You could be living in Manchester. @tonguetweets Fergie in his book: "Mark Hughes is a warrior with whom you would trust your life" And your title? #MUFC #QPR @StupidFootball Rooney's overhead-kick against Man City was voted the greatest Premiership goal ever. Yesterday's against Sunderland was the most useless.


SWANSEA - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0)
@SurrealFootball Liverpool: the first team ever to be unlucky for all 38 games in a season. @FunnyGooner Liverpool 2009: £41 million spent, 63 points Liverpool 2010: £47 million spent, 58 points Liverpool 2011-12: £92 million spent, 52 points


TOTTENHAM - FULHAM 2-0 (1-0)
@OptaJoe 20 - Jermain Defoe is the first player to score 20 goals as a substitute in Premier League history. Tracksuit. @ItsEvaSamuel Ryan giggs did miss wales, jermaine defoe did miss whale


WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ARSENAL 2-3 (2-2)
@andygoldstein05 Just seen the Arsenal goals...I'm guessing Fulop isn't a spurs fan. @BBCSport Fulop's first English club was Tottenham - signed in summer of 2004 but never played a competitive game for them @OptaJoke 3 - Marton Fulop needed 3 more errors to be signed by Arsene Wenger this summer. Butter.


WIGAN - WOLVERHAMPTON 3-2 (2-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Wigan 2-1 Wolves: Boyce - Marlene will be happy @sickipediabot Wigan fans are delighted after todays win. With their 11th of the season, the team can now dedicate one to each of their fans. @OptaJoe 1 - Matt Jarvis' goal at Wigan means Wolves have their first goal in the opening 15 mins this season, the last PL team to do so. Patient.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 37th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Unless a miracle happens on May 13th at Ettihad stadium, the Citizens will lift the trophy. They did their job as expected at the St. James' Park, although you can blame someone's mom for City's win. Anyway, the Manchester blues have the same number of points as Manchester reds, but far better goal-difference.

That's why and the fact that they play against QPR in the last round it would be utopian to expect a some kind of surprise. Or a gift for the loved ones from the other part of the city. The red ones need, well, snookers. In a way. And could use some help of a recently retired star Stephen Hendry.

On the other hand, Arsenal's fans aren't too happy after this round. Just a point is less than they expected versus Norwich. But they were a bit happier after the NUFC's in THFC's games. Yes, both of them failed to win. So, even in the battle for the 3rd and 4th spot, it could be useful to know some snooker. At least for the Spurs and Gunners.

In the other 37th round matches, Wolves are preparing for a trip to Barnsley, Bolton have been banned from keeping dogs, and more. A match of the round? Blackburn - Wigan. No, seriously. Huge on Twitter. Usually a yak is the animal, when you talk about newly-relegated Blackburn. But not this time. The chicken was THE animal this time.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "37th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 37th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...


ARSENAL - NORWICH CITY 3-3 (1-2) @UtdWeekly "I don't 1-2 be an Arsenal fan", said the Arsenal fan. #afc @rourkey4 I like Arsenal's new yellow and green home kit, playing so well. #AFC @TH14Vinayak It's not easy being an Arsenal fan... but it's hard not to love this team! . Except towards the end of the seaosn #Afc #Arsenal @ChitownArsenal Hopefully the players had collection plates during the lap of appreciation after that. We'll need the money w/ a 5th place finish #AFC


NEWCASTLE UTD - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-0) @StevieCJT The Toon Army chant that most iconic of footballing wisdom's "The Referee's a Wanker" #mcfc #nufc @bardiak My mom just woke up and said good morning, then city scored. I asked her to please go back to bed. #nufc #mcfc @paddypower Sooooo close from Aguero...Mrs Power was right...inches make all the difference #mcfc #nufc


ASTON VILLA - TOTTENHAM 1-1 (1-0)
@MardyyBum Danny Rose shown a RED CARD! Well, Roses are red... #thfc @huey07 Well looks like we need snookers. Typical #thfc #sameoldspurs


BOLTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-2 (1-0)
@ant176 Bolton players have been banned from keeping dogs as they can't hold onto a lead. #bwfc


FULHAM - SUNDERLAND 2-1 (2-1)
@OptaJoe 15 – Clint Dempsey has scored 15 goals in his last 15 appearances in all competitions at Craven Cottage. Enforcer. @PCarrESPN Clint Dempsey is the 1st Fulham player with 50 career Premier League goals.


QUEENS PARK RANGERS - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@InfostradaLive #QPR won their 5th home match in a row, their longest winning run at home in the top flight since a 5-match streak from Aug to Oct 1987


WOLVERHAMPTON - EVERTON 0-0
@Everton Wolves fans singing 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we're going to Barnsley'.


MANCHESTER UTD - SWANSEA 2-0 (2-0)
@The_Spend Phil Jones. Like watching a person made of elastic bands and porridge play football. #mufc @NotGusPoyet After persuading Paul Scholes to come out of retirement Sir Alex now try the same with Stephen Hendry for next week as #mufc need snookers


BLACKBURN - WIGAN 0-1 (0-0)
@StupidFootball Without Wayne Rooney's goals this season, Man United would be 1 point ahead of Blackburn. Fact. @tomEurosport Brilliant! Blackburn fans, presumably, release a chicken onto the turf at Ewood Park. @nhsriley That blackburn chicken is the best thing rovers have served up at home all season. Amazing! @PCarrESPN Chicken on the field at Blackburn. Cue up the fowl jokes. <- A new special for Venky's: Taste Of Relegation @NW3Gooner Blackburn fans taking 'feed the Yak and he'll score' too seriously and throwing a chicken onto the pitch. @PeteScuff After chicken released in themed animal protest at Blackburn, I'm concerned about Wolves next match. @KWAMMC This guy Modeste has really lived up to his name playing up top for Blackburn. Not good at all. @tomEurosport There's no escape from that Alcaraz goal for Blackburn.

LIVERPOOL - CHELSEA 4-1 (3-0)
@MikelArteta08 Just a reminder, £20m Stewart Downing has 1 arrest this season but 0 league goals and 0 league assists. #LFC #CFC @mj_afc LFC fans singing to Torres "You should have stayed at a big club." They are right, he shouldn't have left Atletico! @MirrorFootball Uh-oh - Alan Smith has awarded the man of the match bubbly to Andy Carroll. Give him a camera too and they'll have Hangover III in the can @MirrorFootball Carroll tries an ambitious chip... Which is funny, cos at the start of the the season, the only chips he cared about came with burgers etc