FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 35th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

The opening match of the 35th round was a London derby. Everybody expected a cracker - but got a snore-fest. Ok, the footballers of a club, which got its name by putting -nal to a, well, backside, hit the post/bar twice, but otherwise it was as boring as baseball. Or cricket, if you want. No wonder then that a season-high number of fans at the Emirates were... quiet. However, it is possible they had missed Didi Drogba, who was left out due to olympic campaign. Some say, he really likes jumping in the pools of water. In acrobatic fashion.

Much more exciting was at the St. James' Park, as the NUFC's stadium will be (again and rightly so) called on "no-sponsors-names-allowed" Tuesdays and Wednesdays in the next season. The Magpies got another three points and are serious contenders for one of the Champions League spots. Yes, Papiss Demba Cisse scored again.

As did Wazza (literally in the theater, it was as quiet as the Emirates!). He's now in the top 4 of United's all time scoring list. And just a goal behind Robin van Persie in the battle of EPL "capocannoniere". Who has an abstinence crisis of some sort. He was told to go back to what he was smoking before... Anyway, despite the goals by the hair-plugs, the Red Devils didn't win versus the blues from Liverpool. In addition, the blues from Manchester beat the Wolves from Falklands. This means that the Manchester derby next Monday will probably decide this year's champion.

In other 35th round matches, waving middle fingers is obviously a common way to greet Alex McLeish, a Canadian rescues Blackburn from the crapper, Philippe Senderos scored (no, really!), Liverpool - WBA game is like a delayed ejaculation, and more. Must see: why would Tottenham's big-eared star Gareth Bale fit in Barca's squad perfectly? A hint: it has nothing to do with the testis as there is a shortage of them in the lilywhites' shorts.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "35th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 35th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

ARSENAL - CHELSEA 0-0
@YouAreMyArsenal Didier Drogba has been rulled out of the Emirates clash v #Arsenal. He has Olympic diving trials with Bale & Young.
@MountainWAG
Malouda has a haircut that screams, "I passed out at a Sublime show & woke up like this." Even #afc players are astounded. #hairfail @TheGinge87 'Always a threat John Terry'. Yeah he is when your wife is around. #cfc #afc @bluechampion Mike Dean is a kind referee. He listens to Arsenal players before he makes his decisions. #afc #cfc @JeParleGeordais Emirates, world's most expensive library #afc #cfc #noatmosphere @BobbyDigital45 Gervinho: wtf are u about? Do u actually know how to play football? And why did u fool Wenger with that brazilian name when u from IC! #AFC

ASTON VILLA - SUNDERLAND 0-0
@danwalkerbbc Villa have had 350 corners in the PL since last scoring from 1! (James Collins, Nov 2010 v Blackpool) #DullButFascinating #stat #AVFC @molotov_bomb Heskey on :( You literally might as well bring on a cat. #avfc @EdFitter McLeish went over to fans, 2 men learned over to him and waved their middle fingers in anger at him, he looked destroyed. Ouch.. #avfc

BLACKBURN - NORWICH CITY 2-0 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Blackburn 2-0 Norwich - Hoilett pulls Rovers out the toilett? @joshboswellbrfc Mauro Formica is a recession Kaka.

BOLTON - SWANSEA 1-1 (1-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Bolton 1-1 Swansea - Eagles gets home side flying again

FULHAM - WIGAN 2-1 (0-0)/
@FulhamFC So Martin Jol makes two changes from the Chelsea match, Kelly and Frei are replaced by Senderos and the returning Pogrebnyak #FFC @DaviDiggz Pogrebnyak proving to be a good bargain for Fulhan FC with his ongoing love affair for the opposing sides netting. @richardosman Phillipe Senderos has scored? You're kidding? My auto-correct will only accept 'Phillipe Senderos hasn't scored'. #COYW

NEWCASTLE UTD - STOKE CITY 3-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 11 - Papiss Demba Cisse has equalled Mick Quinn's Premier League record of most goals in his first 10 games (11). Unstoppable. @atoonlad Incentive for #NUFC to reach the CL, UEFA don't allow sponsored stadiums so all home games will be at St. James' Park” @jozxyqk76 Having a Guinness in honour of the amazing black & whites #nufc

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - TOTTENHAM 1-0 (1-0)
@paddypower And #THFC's Gareth Bale is quite a player- but imagine what he'll be like when he evolves... @FRfootballLiam #Taarabt scores a free kick. "Put that in your pipe and smoke it Harry!" You can almost hear him say. #QPR 1-0 #THFC @Mo_Diame21 Bale looks like a #Barca player.............not capable of scoring in West London #QPR #thfc @mktuam #Spurs need Testicular Fortitude...anyone know who he plays for? #COYS #THFC

MANCHESTER UTD - EVERTON 4-4 (1-1)
@georgiebingham Er - is Rooney attempting a Roy Keane/James from Geordie Shore Combover? Noooooooo. We get it! The hair transplant worked! #MUFC Ashwin Venkat ‏ @avenkat10 @PGrealey Pienaar has changed the message on his vest to JELAVIC IS GREAT!! @SamWallaceIndy MU all-time goalscorers: Charlton 758 apps/249 gls; Law 404/237; Rowley 424/211; Rooney 362/180. Rooney's goal to game ratio is very good @eugineprince Now Rooney is just a goal behind RVP. The Dutchman shud go back to what he was smoking @NileshP7 The only positive was Rooney & Welbeck doing a nice impression of Yorke and Cole. Unfortunately our back 4 did an impression of Wolves, ffs.

LIVERPOOL - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 0-1 (0-0)
@chrislepkowski Odemwingie goal is Albion's first at Anfield since November 1985. That's also the last time #wba scored in open play vs LFC @liverpooldeep LFC remind me a bit of when you're playing 2 player on FIFA and the other person leaves the room, you unpause, and you still can't score. @kitster29LFC This game is the football equivalent to delayed ejaculation. Everytime we hit the vinegar strokes, we start thinking about tax returns. #LFC

WOLVERHAMPTON - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-1)
@spider76efc Just learnt that etihad translates into English as unity, so you could say in a way that man city play at the united stadium @UnitedsRedArmy And the commentator said "those supporting Man City have pessimism in their DNA" no mate it's called wankerism #UNITED @joshuaax1234 Love how wolves are relegated and can hear them singing and man city are nearly winning the league and can hear a thing. Wish I was there. @FourFourTom Wolves fans to Tevez and Aguero: "The Falklands are ours, the Falklands are ours, f*ck off you Argies, the Falklands are ours!" - genius.