My beloved Old lady has done some botoxin', face-lifting, vagina-rejuvenation, if you want, during the summer.
Yeah, it'll take her some time to look as impeccable as last year.
There might be a bit less 'madameness' due to Pirlo's departure, there might even be a bit less drive due to Vidal's leaving. And even a bit less penetration due to Tevez's unhealable homesickness.
But new studs, such as Paulo Dybala, Simone Zaza, Alex Sandro, Mario Mandžukić, Sami Khedira, have been brought to fill the holes of the black and white outfit. And Juan Cuadrado's coming, too.
Now I will end with sexually-oriented terminology and try to be a bit more serious. So. Let's get to the point. Juventus. Football.
Regarding all the summer additions there was quite a lot of optimism before the 1st game of the season in which Juventus welcomed quite generous customers from the past. Udinese.
And it looked like Kingsley Coman, who was the driving force early in the game, but awfully wasteful, and Co. would empty visitors' pockets as soon as they entered the shop.
Allegri's 3-5-2 (Buffon; Barzagli, Bonucci, Chiellini; Lichtsteiner, Pereyra, Padion, Pogba, Evra; Mandzukic, Coman) started brightly, completely dominating Serie A rivals.
It even seemed like the little zebras weren't interested. Juve were all over the visitors' half. On the other side, Stefano Colantuono's men entered Juve's half as often as you've seen Halley's comet.
As is often the case in such situations, 'but' inevitably enters. Despite total dominance in the 2nd half also, Juve just couldn't - even after otherwise very lively Dybala came in - put the ball in the net.
Udinese, on the other hand, did. Through Cyril Thereau, who just might have been involved in the Japanese invisibility researches. Or could someone explain to me, how is it possible to leave someone so alone in the box...
Anyway. The 'expected' outcome was still on. Mauricio Isla entered, Fernando Llorente entered. Game changers (sarcasm on).
No. Juve - despite 65-35 possession, 21-6 goal attempts, 10-2 corners - lost its first home Serie A match since January 2013 and ended an unbeaten run of 47 games (via @WhoScored).
That pissed off quite a large part of the black and white Twitter community. Yes, it's a defeat that wasn't expected. Yes, Mandžukić has a lot of room for improvement. Yes, Coman was wasteful. And, yes, Pogba made too many bad decisions going forward.
But all was not bad. And no, Juve won't be relegated, as some 'men of knowledge' tried to suggest. Bear in mind - Claudio Marchisio, one of the most important Allegri's men in the last season, has been injured, as has Alvaro Morata.
Khedira also - but he's made of glass, so Juve fans can't really coun't on him...
Ergo. It's only the 1st round of the season. So take a chill pill and don't be a cunt, as would Jim Jefferies say. Calma.
2013-02-28
PREMIER ANAGRAMS - FOOTBALLERS' DIRTY SECRETS
They say the best artists, writers, poets have been a bit weird. Sick, if you want. I can completely understand that. I'm sick at the moment (some would say all the time, but we don't care about them, do we...), filling myself with all kinds of fruit, tea, drugs (not those drugs). Obviously my body's experiencing a bit of a shock. Used to drinking beer, my brain strangely suggested I should go behind the computer and write dumb stuff!
As we can't fight the organ, which should make us look smarter in other people's eyes (but that is not always the case, is it?), it was time to think about stupid things. As I was torturing my brain alphabetically, it wasn't long before I got the idea. Anagrams.
Oh, what a cool thing to do with a sick body and mind! As I'm a huge football fan, I chose to do some footballers playing in the Premier League. As you can see below, I chose two players of each team (well, if there was an obvious one, I put in the third also).
I added some punctuation marks to, well, emphasize the effect. Honestly, it didn't always work. But there are still couple of anagrams that should put a smile on your face! Or was it just me with my sick mind? Whatever.
You can see a stunning Florent Malouda's DNA, Seamus Coleman is dirty - as is Dimitar Berbatov, Stewart Downing has a weird hobby, Ryan Shawcross is a huge (too huge?) fan of Rory McIlroy. Danny Welbeck knows a Washington secret, Simeon Jackson is rather appalled by Jose Mourinho's sex life.
Leon Britton has a betting advice for LaDainian Tomlinson, Clint Dempsey shows no respect for Bond's M, Peter Odemwingie's winter-transfer experience has left huge consequences, Ronnie Stam gets a halftime instructions, how to stop Marko Marin, and many, many more.
ARSENAL
Abou Diaby - Baby Audio.
Bacary Sagna - Canary ab gas.
ASTON VILLA
Andreas Weimann - Rea was in men-DNA.
Marc Albrighton - Bring Colmar hat.
CHELSEA
Yossi Benayoun - Ben sins, you say...
Florent Malouda - A lot for mule-DNA...
EVERTON
Kevin Mirallas - Nivea kills RAM.
Seamus Coleman - Cum-meal season.
FULHAM
Damien Duff - Dead muffin.
Dimitar Berbatov - A morbid-vibe tart.
LIVERPOOL
Daniel Sturridge - Ill turd greandes.
Stewart Downing - Owning wet darts.
MANCHESTER CITY
David Silva - Vail vids ad.
Gareth Barry - Grab E.T., Harry!
MANCHESTER UNITED
Danny Welbeck - Kenyan blew D.C.
Anders Lindegaard - Dan is radar legend.
NEWCASTLE UNITED
Gabriel Obertan - Boring bee altar.
Shola Ameobi - O, Amish ebola.
NORWICH CITY
Andrew Surman - Damn raw nurse!
Simeon Jackson - Man on Jose - sick!
QPR
Esteban Granero - Tease N.N., Roger!
Fabio - Fobia.
Stephan M'bia - I hate PMS, Bean!
READING
Adam Le Fondre - One rad mad elf.
Ian Harte - Anti-hare!
SOUTHAMPTON
Steven Davis - Ass-event vid.
Rickie Lambert - Tickier Mr. Bale.
STOKE CITY
Wilson Palacios - CIA won a pill. SOS!
Ryan Shawcross - Can Rory show ass?
SUNDERLAND
Wes Brown - Owns brew.
Danny Graham - Ah, mad granny.
Titus Bramble - Berta's bum lit.
SWANSEA
Wayne Routledge - A needy lower gut.
Leon Britton - Bet on noir, L.T.!
TOTTENHAM
Clint Dempsey - Sip decently, M!
Kyle Naughton - Naughty on elk.
WBA
Peter Odemwingie - RT O, I'm peeing weed!
Marc-Antoine Fortune - Matureen' coon fartin'...
WEST HAM
Winston Reid - No twin rides!
Mohamed Diame - Home died, mama...
WIGAN
Franco Di Santo - Foot in narcs ad.
Maynor Figueroa - Oi! Re-fag your man!
Ronnie Stam - Stone Marin!
As we can't fight the organ, which should make us look smarter in other people's eyes (but that is not always the case, is it?), it was time to think about stupid things. As I was torturing my brain alphabetically, it wasn't long before I got the idea. Anagrams.
Oh, what a cool thing to do with a sick body and mind! As I'm a huge football fan, I chose to do some footballers playing in the Premier League. As you can see below, I chose two players of each team (well, if there was an obvious one, I put in the third also).
I added some punctuation marks to, well, emphasize the effect. Honestly, it didn't always work. But there are still couple of anagrams that should put a smile on your face! Or was it just me with my sick mind? Whatever.
You can see a stunning Florent Malouda's DNA, Seamus Coleman is dirty - as is Dimitar Berbatov, Stewart Downing has a weird hobby, Ryan Shawcross is a huge (too huge?) fan of Rory McIlroy. Danny Welbeck knows a Washington secret, Simeon Jackson is rather appalled by Jose Mourinho's sex life.
Leon Britton has a betting advice for LaDainian Tomlinson, Clint Dempsey shows no respect for Bond's M, Peter Odemwingie's winter-transfer experience has left huge consequences, Ronnie Stam gets a halftime instructions, how to stop Marko Marin, and many, many more.
ARSENAL
Abou Diaby - Baby Audio.
Bacary Sagna - Canary ab gas.
ASTON VILLA
Andreas Weimann - Rea was in men-DNA.
Marc Albrighton - Bring Colmar hat.
CHELSEA
Yossi Benayoun - Ben sins, you say...
Florent Malouda - A lot for mule-DNA...
EVERTON
Kevin Mirallas - Nivea kills RAM.
Seamus Coleman - Cum-meal season.
FULHAM
Damien Duff - Dead muffin.
Dimitar Berbatov - A morbid-vibe tart.
LIVERPOOL
Daniel Sturridge - Ill turd greandes.
Stewart Downing - Owning wet darts.
MANCHESTER CITY
David Silva - Vail vids ad.
Gareth Barry - Grab E.T., Harry!
MANCHESTER UNITED
Danny Welbeck - Kenyan blew D.C.
Anders Lindegaard - Dan is radar legend.
NEWCASTLE UNITED
Gabriel Obertan - Boring bee altar.
Shola Ameobi - O, Amish ebola.
NORWICH CITY
Andrew Surman - Damn raw nurse!
Simeon Jackson - Man on Jose - sick!
QPR
Esteban Granero - Tease N.N., Roger!
Fabio - Fobia.
Stephan M'bia - I hate PMS, Bean!
READING
Adam Le Fondre - One rad mad elf.
Ian Harte - Anti-hare!
SOUTHAMPTON
Steven Davis - Ass-event vid.
Rickie Lambert - Tickier Mr. Bale.
STOKE CITY
Wilson Palacios - CIA won a pill. SOS!
Ryan Shawcross - Can Rory show ass?
SUNDERLAND
Wes Brown - Owns brew.
Danny Graham - Ah, mad granny.
Titus Bramble - Berta's bum lit.
SWANSEA
Wayne Routledge - A needy lower gut.
Leon Britton - Bet on noir, L.T.!
TOTTENHAM
Clint Dempsey - Sip decently, M!
Kyle Naughton - Naughty on elk.
WBA
Peter Odemwingie - RT O, I'm peeing weed!
Marc-Antoine Fortune - Matureen' coon fartin'...
WEST HAM
Winston Reid - No twin rides!
Mohamed Diame - Home died, mama...
WIGAN
Franco Di Santo - Foot in narcs ad.
Maynor Figueroa - Oi! Re-fag your man!
Ronnie Stam - Stone Marin!
2013-02-18
PRIMERA DIVISION - IT REALLY IS FOOTBALL FOR EVERYONE
If someone accidentally turned on the TV or came across some stream on the internet and the Sunday's game between Tigre and Boca Juniors was on, he/she certainly asked him/herself, what the hell? What are those maniacs talking about? Argentine Primera Division being interesting... Yeah, right.
Indeed, the aforementioned clash between a club by the name of Tigre (nickname Matadores) and a club, which is one of the most recognized football brands in the world, was incredibly... dull, putting it plainly and simply. No action at all.
So why would anyone bother to continue watching Futbol para Todos? If someone accidentally turned on the TV or came across some stream on the internet and the Sunday's game between River Plate and Estudiantes was on, he got the answer.
Well, it was not the best game ever, but it was a very decent match, decided by the David Trezeguet (yes, that one) wonder-volley. The goals in Primera Division are quite often spectacular, so here's one reason to watch it. One of the recent treats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-m5El5LnT8
But beautiful strikes can be seen in practically any league, you would argue. True. So there have been other reasons, why me and those other "maniacs" sit in front of TV or laptop in ridiculous (European) hours. For starters, the energy in the stadiums is (mainly) incredible. Songs, flags, colourful and passionate fans, banter... E. g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzaSGSsWdgg
Not convinced yet? Well, what about one of the fiercest rivalries in world football? Boca - River anyone? Sure, there are no such stars as in Real Madrid and Barcelona, but if I had to choose between those two, the "battle" of Buenos Aires (and Argentina) would get the nod. As the name suggests, it's not just a clasico, like that one in Spain. It's Superclasico. Want a visual? Youtube.
Next. What I love about Primera Division (and other South American leagues) is the fact you can see some really exciting players (some of them are listed below) at work. You have up-and-coming stars, you have established masters of the game, there are some veterans, players with "attitude", "los locos", you name it... And last but not least. Primera Division is anything but predictable.
In the last five seasons the Champions' list is certainly not what you would describe as, ehm, dull. Velez Sarsfield, Arsenal de Sarandi, Boca, Estudiantes, Argentinos Juniors, Banfield, River Plate have all been on top of Apertura (now called Torneo Inicial) or Clausura (now Torneo Final).
Yep, Argentina and its football league deserve to be (even more) recognized. Namely, that Great Britain's best friend hasn't exported just quality beef, but quality football and footballers, too. And this trend will continue. Surely.
So, which players are worth watching right now? Juan Manuel Martinez, Santiago Silva, Leandro Paredes, Lucas Viatri, Nicolas Blandi, Juan Roman Riquelme (all Boca), David Trezeguet, Manuel Lanizini, Juan Iturbe, Rogelio Funes Mori, Ariel Rojas, Leonel Vangioni, Leandro Gonzalez Pirez, Rodrigo Mora (all River), Fernando Gago, Facundo Ferreyra (Velez), Denis Stracqualursi, Franco Jara (San Lorenzo), Bruno Zuculini, Jose Sand, Luciano Vietto, Mario Bolatti, Mauro Camoranesi (Racing), Gabriel Heinze, Maxi Rodriguez, Ignacio Scocco (Newell's Old Boys), Mario Regueiro, Silvio Romero (Lanus) and many, many others.
Currently, the clubs are at the beginning of Torneo Final 2013. After the 2nd round it's Lanus topping the table, along with River. Tigre, Boca and Godoy Cruz (led by one of the most charismatic faces in Argentine football - Martin Palermo) are just behind them.
But if you want to know more about this league, just visit a lovely site, dedicated to it. http://hastaelgolsiempre.com/
Indeed, the aforementioned clash between a club by the name of Tigre (nickname Matadores) and a club, which is one of the most recognized football brands in the world, was incredibly... dull, putting it plainly and simply. No action at all.
So why would anyone bother to continue watching Futbol para Todos? If someone accidentally turned on the TV or came across some stream on the internet and the Sunday's game between River Plate and Estudiantes was on, he got the answer.
Well, it was not the best game ever, but it was a very decent match, decided by the David Trezeguet (yes, that one) wonder-volley. The goals in Primera Division are quite often spectacular, so here's one reason to watch it. One of the recent treats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-m5El5LnT8
But beautiful strikes can be seen in practically any league, you would argue. True. So there have been other reasons, why me and those other "maniacs" sit in front of TV or laptop in ridiculous (European) hours. For starters, the energy in the stadiums is (mainly) incredible. Songs, flags, colourful and passionate fans, banter... E. g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzaSGSsWdgg
Not convinced yet? Well, what about one of the fiercest rivalries in world football? Boca - River anyone? Sure, there are no such stars as in Real Madrid and Barcelona, but if I had to choose between those two, the "battle" of Buenos Aires (and Argentina) would get the nod. As the name suggests, it's not just a clasico, like that one in Spain. It's Superclasico. Want a visual? Youtube.
Next. What I love about Primera Division (and other South American leagues) is the fact you can see some really exciting players (some of them are listed below) at work. You have up-and-coming stars, you have established masters of the game, there are some veterans, players with "attitude", "los locos", you name it... And last but not least. Primera Division is anything but predictable.
In the last five seasons the Champions' list is certainly not what you would describe as, ehm, dull. Velez Sarsfield, Arsenal de Sarandi, Boca, Estudiantes, Argentinos Juniors, Banfield, River Plate have all been on top of Apertura (now called Torneo Inicial) or Clausura (now Torneo Final).
Yep, Argentina and its football league deserve to be (even more) recognized. Namely, that Great Britain's best friend hasn't exported just quality beef, but quality football and footballers, too. And this trend will continue. Surely.
So, which players are worth watching right now? Juan Manuel Martinez, Santiago Silva, Leandro Paredes, Lucas Viatri, Nicolas Blandi, Juan Roman Riquelme (all Boca), David Trezeguet, Manuel Lanizini, Juan Iturbe, Rogelio Funes Mori, Ariel Rojas, Leonel Vangioni, Leandro Gonzalez Pirez, Rodrigo Mora (all River), Fernando Gago, Facundo Ferreyra (Velez), Denis Stracqualursi, Franco Jara (San Lorenzo), Bruno Zuculini, Jose Sand, Luciano Vietto, Mario Bolatti, Mauro Camoranesi (Racing), Gabriel Heinze, Maxi Rodriguez, Ignacio Scocco (Newell's Old Boys), Mario Regueiro, Silvio Romero (Lanus) and many, many others.
Currently, the clubs are at the beginning of Torneo Final 2013. After the 2nd round it's Lanus topping the table, along with River. Tigre, Boca and Godoy Cruz (led by one of the most charismatic faces in Argentine football - Martin Palermo) are just behind them.
But if you want to know more about this league, just visit a lovely site, dedicated to it. http://hastaelgolsiempre.com/
2012-07-27
MLS - 'FILLE DE JOIE' LOOKING FOR REAL LOVE
Eighteen years ago the USA hosted FIFA World Cup. As a part of the US' bid to land the most important sporting event in the world they came up with something they called Major League Soccer. Being 15 at the time, along with the fact that internet here was as rare as honesty in politics, I didn't really know what to think about it. They can't be serious across the pond, I thought in 1994.
Football - as I prefer to call the beautiful game - in the land of the free was not exactly Julia Roberts in Pretty woman. Everybody loved her (despite doing the world's oldest job), (almost) nobody loved football despite being No. 1 practically everywhere else. "Richard Gere" rather spent his time with other ladies, like the NBA, MLB, NFL, NHL even. And he still does it today.
Regarding reputation of the MLS, little has improved since the first season in 1996, despite the "boom" after successful USA team at the World Cup 2002. It still gets a lot of stick from "traditional" football countries, and die-hard-Americana-influenced sports fans in the US.
But it's getting better. Gradually.
The doubters might be right in some aspects. But wrong in some, too. There are quite a few good points for following the MLS. I'm not saying I'm in love with it, I'm watching it here and there, but I respect what they're doing.
Living in a global village means that even the MLS finds the way to the most remote corners of our planet. TV and media coverage are improving, live matches can be seen wherever you want. And, frankly, it is quite a pretty sight.
There are many leagues across the world that have really poor infrastructure. This is not the case in the US. Stadiums are (mostly) quite good, and what's more important they're nicely filled. The average attendance in 2011 was 17,872, what is just a bit lower than in the Dutch Eredivisie or French Ligue 1 and about the same as the NBA and NHL.
It has to be said that technical and tactical quality of the football in the MLS cannot be compared to the Premier League, La Liga, Serie A, Bundesliga, but it's improving. Some of the American talents that play there, like Brek Shea, Juan Agudelo etc., could soon make themselves interesting for some European clubs. Like Tim Ream that joined Bolton couple of months ago.
Another aspect is money. Players in the MLS earn from 33,750 USD to 4,600,000 USD per year. And, frankly, those amounts of money (that can be upgraded with sponsorship money) have attracted quite a few famous footballers. Let's put aside the fact that they've come there mostly to earn a buck or two before ending their respectable careers.
For example, there are Arne Friedrich (Chicago Fire), Hamdi Salihi (DC United), "golden balls" David Beckham, Robbie Keane (both LA Galaxy), Marco Di Vaio, Matteo Ferrari, Alessandro Nesta, Bernardo Corradi (all Montreal Impact), Rafa Marquez, Teemu Tainio, Thierry Henry, Tim Cahill (all NYRB), Kris Boyd, Steven Smith (both Portland Timbers), Danny Koevermans, Torsten Frings (both Toronto) and Kenny Miller (Vancouver).
When New York Cosmos joins the MLS, I'm pretty sure there will be more of the "big-calibre" footballers there. It is rumoured that even Kaka wants to play in NYC.
Conclusion? There's too much going on in the MLS to completely ignore it. Of course, it's not the first choice but it's surely good enough to occasionally quench football thirst.
P. S. In the current season, the best teams in the MLS by points are San Jose Earthquakes, Real Salt Lake, New York Red Bulls, Sporting Kansas City, Houston Dynamo... On the top of the scoring chart there is Chris Wondolowski (San Jose) with 17 goals followed by Kenny Cooper (NYRB/13) and Alvaro Saborio (RSL/11), while the kings of assists are Dwayne De Rosario (DCU/10), David Beckham (LA/9) and Marvin Chavez (SJ/9).
2012-05-17
FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 38th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE
Here we are. The last blog of the season. A bit late - as was City's championship goal. A really dramatic finish of a dramatic season. Let's put City's win aside for a bit. Because there was a lot of drama going on in other aspects of the game, too. In fact, it was quite tense on the pitch of Ettihad Stadium. Even Begbie would fit in the mess - caused by (surprise, surprise) Joey "The Kung Fu...d up" Barton - nicely.
But even that little rascal couldn't stop "biches" (blue + riches) from conquering the league. Sir Alex probably already ordered a double 18-year-old in the 90th minute, but he poured it down his throat only to drown his sorrows. He just couldn't stand the fact his pal Mark Hughes betrayed him. And let the City to take the necessary points in dying moments of the season. Well, anyway, congrats to Manchester City. And its tactician Mancini, who was prepared to do anything for the win. Even to send Nigel De Jong to the Stadium of Light to sort things out with Wayne Rooney and his (useless) goal.
In the other last round matches, it's revealed that Defoe, Adebayor, Livermore (and I would add half of the Arsenal's squad) share the same barber as Raul Meireles, Everton players handcuff Steven Pienaar, Liverpool are unlucky even in the last game of the season, Jermaine Defoe does a whale (so they say... I'm not a biologist), Marton Fulop equals butter, the match between Wigan and Wolves satisfies some of the Only fools and horses cast, and more.
At this point I would like to thank all the tweeps for contributing factual, funny, ironic, satyric, clever, biased, and even stupid, tweets. Some of them were simply brilliant! Also, thank you, my beloved readers! Any ideas for the next season?
CHELSEA - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0) @MLS_Analyst Remember 8 years ago when there were suddenly all those Chelsea fans? I wonder if they're wearing a lighter shade of blue today. @OptaParody 2.99 - It looks like Defoe, Adebayor and Livermore have been going to the same £2.99 a time barber as Raul Meireles. Shocking @bridgeviews Arguably the finest moment today: 'He cuts his own hair, he cuts his own haiiir, Raul Meireles, he cuts his own hair' #cfc #Chelsea
EVERTON - NEWCASTLE UTD 3-1 (2-0) @davidsimpson88 Howard: "They [players] have handcuffed him [Pienaar] to the showers. He's not going back down to London." #EFC @MirrorFootball GOAL! Everton 3-1 Newcastle - Tony Hibbert takes pity on the Toon and scores for them
MANCHESTER CITY - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-2 (1-0) @paul_tomkins While Barton will be hated by United fans if City now win, at least he tried to take out the entire City XI in a Kung-fu masterclass @sickipediabot Inspired by Man City's success, I'm going to make sure my kids win Sports Day by buying loads of fast, strong kids from other countries. @FootballFunnys What's the definition of irony? Man City winning the league in Fergie time. @Footy_Jokes Its just been announced that Joey Barton is an unlockable character on Mortal Kombat. @Martin_Carr Joey Barton is a pacifist, a pacihead, paciknee and a pacielbow. #motd @OptaParody 1 - Micah Richards is apparently the 1 player from Manchester City that Joey Barton didn't fancy a dust up with. Lad @royhendo The Joey Barton moment was basically the bit in Trainspotting when Begbie tosses the pint glass off the balcony.
NORWICH CITY - ASTON VILLA 2-0 (2-0) @OptaJoe 15 - Grant Holt PL goals this season, the joint-most by a player for a newly-promoted side since Andy Johnson for Palace in 04/05 (21). Leap
STOKE CITY - BOLTON 2-2 (1-2) @JacquiOatley Muted celebrations from Jonathan Walters after his goals for Stoke v Bolton...helped to relegate his former club. #BWFC #scfc
SUNDERLAND - MANCHESTER UTD 0-1 (0-1) @MirrorFootball Mancini sends out De Jong to warm up. Going to send him up to Sunderland for 2nd half to kick Wayne Rooney in the chest @StupidFootball Are you a Man United fan devastated by City's title win? Cheer up. Things could be a lot worse... You could be living in Manchester. @tonguetweets Fergie in his book: "Mark Hughes is a warrior with whom you would trust your life" And your title? #MUFC #QPR @StupidFootball Rooney's overhead-kick against Man City was voted the greatest Premiership goal ever. Yesterday's against Sunderland was the most useless.
SWANSEA - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0) @SurrealFootball Liverpool: the first team ever to be unlucky for all 38 games in a season. @FunnyGooner Liverpool 2009: £41 million spent, 63 points Liverpool 2010: £47 million spent, 58 points Liverpool 2011-12: £92 million spent, 52 points
TOTTENHAM - FULHAM 2-0 (1-0) @OptaJoe 20 - Jermain Defoe is the first player to score 20 goals as a substitute in Premier League history. Tracksuit. @ItsEvaSamuel Ryan giggs did miss wales, jermaine defoe did miss whale
WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ARSENAL 2-3 (2-2) @andygoldstein05 Just seen the Arsenal goals...I'm guessing Fulop isn't a spurs fan. @BBCSport Fulop's first English club was Tottenham - signed in summer of 2004 but never played a competitive game for them @OptaJoke 3 - Marton Fulop needed 3 more errors to be signed by Arsene Wenger this summer. Butter.
WIGAN - WOLVERHAMPTON 3-2 (2-1) @MirrorFootball GOAL! Wigan 2-1 Wolves: Boyce - Marlene will be happy @sickipediabot Wigan fans are delighted after todays win. With their 11th of the season, the team can now dedicate one to each of their fans. @OptaJoe 1 - Matt Jarvis' goal at Wigan means Wolves have their first goal in the opening 15 mins this season, the last PL team to do so. Patient.
CHELSEA - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0) @MLS_Analyst Remember 8 years ago when there were suddenly all those Chelsea fans? I wonder if they're wearing a lighter shade of blue today. @OptaParody 2.99 - It looks like Defoe, Adebayor and Livermore have been going to the same £2.99 a time barber as Raul Meireles. Shocking @bridgeviews Arguably the finest moment today: 'He cuts his own hair, he cuts his own haiiir, Raul Meireles, he cuts his own hair' #cfc #Chelsea
EVERTON - NEWCASTLE UTD 3-1 (2-0) @davidsimpson88 Howard: "They [players] have handcuffed him [Pienaar] to the showers. He's not going back down to London." #EFC @MirrorFootball GOAL! Everton 3-1 Newcastle - Tony Hibbert takes pity on the Toon and scores for them
MANCHESTER CITY - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-2 (1-0) @paul_tomkins While Barton will be hated by United fans if City now win, at least he tried to take out the entire City XI in a Kung-fu masterclass @sickipediabot Inspired by Man City's success, I'm going to make sure my kids win Sports Day by buying loads of fast, strong kids from other countries. @FootballFunnys What's the definition of irony? Man City winning the league in Fergie time. @Footy_Jokes Its just been announced that Joey Barton is an unlockable character on Mortal Kombat. @Martin_Carr Joey Barton is a pacifist, a pacihead, paciknee and a pacielbow. #motd @OptaParody 1 - Micah Richards is apparently the 1 player from Manchester City that Joey Barton didn't fancy a dust up with. Lad @royhendo The Joey Barton moment was basically the bit in Trainspotting when Begbie tosses the pint glass off the balcony.
NORWICH CITY - ASTON VILLA 2-0 (2-0) @OptaJoe 15 - Grant Holt PL goals this season, the joint-most by a player for a newly-promoted side since Andy Johnson for Palace in 04/05 (21). Leap
STOKE CITY - BOLTON 2-2 (1-2) @JacquiOatley Muted celebrations from Jonathan Walters after his goals for Stoke v Bolton...helped to relegate his former club. #BWFC #scfc
SUNDERLAND - MANCHESTER UTD 0-1 (0-1) @MirrorFootball Mancini sends out De Jong to warm up. Going to send him up to Sunderland for 2nd half to kick Wayne Rooney in the chest @StupidFootball Are you a Man United fan devastated by City's title win? Cheer up. Things could be a lot worse... You could be living in Manchester. @tonguetweets Fergie in his book: "Mark Hughes is a warrior with whom you would trust your life" And your title? #MUFC #QPR @StupidFootball Rooney's overhead-kick against Man City was voted the greatest Premiership goal ever. Yesterday's against Sunderland was the most useless.
SWANSEA - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0) @SurrealFootball Liverpool: the first team ever to be unlucky for all 38 games in a season. @FunnyGooner Liverpool 2009: £41 million spent, 63 points Liverpool 2010: £47 million spent, 58 points Liverpool 2011-12: £92 million spent, 52 points
TOTTENHAM - FULHAM 2-0 (1-0) @OptaJoe 20 - Jermain Defoe is the first player to score 20 goals as a substitute in Premier League history. Tracksuit. @ItsEvaSamuel Ryan giggs did miss wales, jermaine defoe did miss whale
WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ARSENAL 2-3 (2-2) @andygoldstein05 Just seen the Arsenal goals...I'm guessing Fulop isn't a spurs fan. @BBCSport Fulop's first English club was Tottenham - signed in summer of 2004 but never played a competitive game for them @OptaJoke 3 - Marton Fulop needed 3 more errors to be signed by Arsene Wenger this summer. Butter.
WIGAN - WOLVERHAMPTON 3-2 (2-1) @MirrorFootball GOAL! Wigan 2-1 Wolves: Boyce - Marlene will be happy @sickipediabot Wigan fans are delighted after todays win. With their 11th of the season, the team can now dedicate one to each of their fans. @OptaJoe 1 - Matt Jarvis' goal at Wigan means Wolves have their first goal in the opening 15 mins this season, the last PL team to do so. Patient.
2012-05-07
FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 37th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE
Unless a miracle happens on May 13th at Ettihad stadium, the Citizens will lift the trophy. They did their job as expected at the St. James' Park, although you can blame someone's mom for City's win. Anyway, the Manchester blues have the same number of points as Manchester reds, but far better goal-difference.
That's why and the fact that they play against QPR in the last round it would be utopian to expect a some kind of surprise. Or a gift for the loved ones from the other part of the city. The red ones need, well, snookers. In a way. And could use some help of a recently retired star Stephen Hendry.
On the other hand, Arsenal's fans aren't too happy after this round. Just a point is less than they expected versus Norwich. But they were a bit happier after the NUFC's in THFC's games. Yes, both of them failed to win. So, even in the battle for the 3rd and 4th spot, it could be useful to know some snooker. At least for the Spurs and Gunners.
In the other 37th round matches, Wolves are preparing for a trip to Barnsley, Bolton have been banned from keeping dogs, and more. A match of the round? Blackburn - Wigan. No, seriously. Huge on Twitter. Usually a yak is the animal, when you talk about newly-relegated Blackburn. But not this time. The chicken was THE animal this time.
Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...
Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)
And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...
So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "37th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 37th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...
ARSENAL - NORWICH CITY 3-3 (1-2) @UtdWeekly "I don't 1-2 be an Arsenal fan", said the Arsenal fan. #afc @rourkey4 I like Arsenal's new yellow and green home kit, playing so well. #AFC @TH14Vinayak It's not easy being an Arsenal fan... but it's hard not to love this team! . Except towards the end of the seaosn #Afc #Arsenal @ChitownArsenal Hopefully the players had collection plates during the lap of appreciation after that. We'll need the money w/ a 5th place finish #AFC
NEWCASTLE UTD - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-0) @StevieCJT The Toon Army chant that most iconic of footballing wisdom's "The Referee's a Wanker" #mcfc #nufc @bardiak My mom just woke up and said good morning, then city scored. I asked her to please go back to bed. #nufc #mcfc @paddypower Sooooo close from Aguero...Mrs Power was right...inches make all the difference #mcfc #nufc
ASTON VILLA - TOTTENHAM 1-1 (1-0) @MardyyBum Danny Rose shown a RED CARD! Well, Roses are red... #thfc @huey07 Well looks like we need snookers. Typical #thfc #sameoldspurs
BOLTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-2 (1-0) @ant176 Bolton players have been banned from keeping dogs as they can't hold onto a lead. #bwfc
FULHAM - SUNDERLAND 2-1 (2-1) @OptaJoe 15 – Clint Dempsey has scored 15 goals in his last 15 appearances in all competitions at Craven Cottage. Enforcer. @PCarrESPN Clint Dempsey is the 1st Fulham player with 50 career Premier League goals.
QUEENS PARK RANGERS - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0) @InfostradaLive #QPR won their 5th home match in a row, their longest winning run at home in the top flight since a 5-match streak from Aug to Oct 1987
WOLVERHAMPTON - EVERTON 0-0 @Everton Wolves fans singing 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we're going to Barnsley'.
MANCHESTER UTD - SWANSEA 2-0 (2-0) @The_Spend Phil Jones. Like watching a person made of elastic bands and porridge play football. #mufc @NotGusPoyet After persuading Paul Scholes to come out of retirement Sir Alex now try the same with Stephen Hendry for next week as #mufc need snookers
BLACKBURN - WIGAN 0-1 (0-0) @StupidFootball Without Wayne Rooney's goals this season, Man United would be 1 point ahead of Blackburn. Fact. @tomEurosport Brilliant! Blackburn fans, presumably, release a chicken onto the turf at Ewood Park. @nhsriley That blackburn chicken is the best thing rovers have served up at home all season. Amazing! @PCarrESPN Chicken on the field at Blackburn. Cue up the fowl jokes. <- A new special for Venky's: Taste Of Relegation @NW3Gooner Blackburn fans taking 'feed the Yak and he'll score' too seriously and throwing a chicken onto the pitch. @PeteScuff After chicken released in themed animal protest at Blackburn, I'm concerned about Wolves next match. @KWAMMC This guy Modeste has really lived up to his name playing up top for Blackburn. Not good at all. @tomEurosport There's no escape from that Alcaraz goal for Blackburn.
LIVERPOOL - CHELSEA 4-1 (3-0) @MikelArteta08 Just a reminder, £20m Stewart Downing has 1 arrest this season but 0 league goals and 0 league assists. #LFC #CFC @mj_afc LFC fans singing to Torres "You should have stayed at a big club." They are right, he shouldn't have left Atletico! @MirrorFootball Uh-oh - Alan Smith has awarded the man of the match bubbly to Andy Carroll. Give him a camera too and they'll have Hangover III in the can @MirrorFootball Carroll tries an ambitious chip... Which is funny, cos at the start of the the season, the only chips he cared about came with burgers etc
ARSENAL - NORWICH CITY 3-3 (1-2) @UtdWeekly "I don't 1-2 be an Arsenal fan", said the Arsenal fan. #afc @rourkey4 I like Arsenal's new yellow and green home kit, playing so well. #AFC @TH14Vinayak It's not easy being an Arsenal fan... but it's hard not to love this team! . Except towards the end of the seaosn #Afc #Arsenal @ChitownArsenal Hopefully the players had collection plates during the lap of appreciation after that. We'll need the money w/ a 5th place finish #AFC
NEWCASTLE UTD - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-0) @StevieCJT The Toon Army chant that most iconic of footballing wisdom's "The Referee's a Wanker" #mcfc #nufc @bardiak My mom just woke up and said good morning, then city scored. I asked her to please go back to bed. #nufc #mcfc @paddypower Sooooo close from Aguero...Mrs Power was right...inches make all the difference #mcfc #nufc
ASTON VILLA - TOTTENHAM 1-1 (1-0) @MardyyBum Danny Rose shown a RED CARD! Well, Roses are red... #thfc @huey07 Well looks like we need snookers. Typical #thfc #sameoldspurs
BOLTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-2 (1-0) @ant176 Bolton players have been banned from keeping dogs as they can't hold onto a lead. #bwfc
FULHAM - SUNDERLAND 2-1 (2-1) @OptaJoe 15 – Clint Dempsey has scored 15 goals in his last 15 appearances in all competitions at Craven Cottage. Enforcer. @PCarrESPN Clint Dempsey is the 1st Fulham player with 50 career Premier League goals.
QUEENS PARK RANGERS - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0) @InfostradaLive #QPR won their 5th home match in a row, their longest winning run at home in the top flight since a 5-match streak from Aug to Oct 1987
WOLVERHAMPTON - EVERTON 0-0 @Everton Wolves fans singing 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we're going to Barnsley'.
MANCHESTER UTD - SWANSEA 2-0 (2-0) @The_Spend Phil Jones. Like watching a person made of elastic bands and porridge play football. #mufc @NotGusPoyet After persuading Paul Scholes to come out of retirement Sir Alex now try the same with Stephen Hendry for next week as #mufc need snookers
BLACKBURN - WIGAN 0-1 (0-0) @StupidFootball Without Wayne Rooney's goals this season, Man United would be 1 point ahead of Blackburn. Fact. @tomEurosport Brilliant! Blackburn fans, presumably, release a chicken onto the turf at Ewood Park. @nhsriley That blackburn chicken is the best thing rovers have served up at home all season. Amazing! @PCarrESPN Chicken on the field at Blackburn. Cue up the fowl jokes. <- A new special for Venky's: Taste Of Relegation @NW3Gooner Blackburn fans taking 'feed the Yak and he'll score' too seriously and throwing a chicken onto the pitch. @PeteScuff After chicken released in themed animal protest at Blackburn, I'm concerned about Wolves next match. @KWAMMC This guy Modeste has really lived up to his name playing up top for Blackburn. Not good at all. @tomEurosport There's no escape from that Alcaraz goal for Blackburn.
LIVERPOOL - CHELSEA 4-1 (3-0) @MikelArteta08 Just a reminder, £20m Stewart Downing has 1 arrest this season but 0 league goals and 0 league assists. #LFC #CFC @mj_afc LFC fans singing to Torres "You should have stayed at a big club." They are right, he shouldn't have left Atletico! @MirrorFootball Uh-oh - Alan Smith has awarded the man of the match bubbly to Andy Carroll. Give him a camera too and they'll have Hangover III in the can @MirrorFootball Carroll tries an ambitious chip... Which is funny, cos at the start of the the season, the only chips he cared about came with burgers etc
2012-05-02
FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 34th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE
Finally it's over. This was a really long round. This is just a short recap, what happened in it. Manchester City humiliated Norwich City due to a hattrick, scored by - some say - a complete arsehole. Steve Kean had prepared his team very well for the Swansea match, Manchester United was helped to an easy win by a young diver, Liverpool were embarrassed at the Anfield despite having an iron man in its defensive line, Peter Crouch put himself in the history books by scoring a milestone goal. In the wrong net, that is.
The last two matches were played tonight. There was a derby between Chelsea and Newcastle UTD for staying in the battle for the 4th spot. And guess who was the man of the match! No, not Fernando Torres. It was Papiss Demba Cisse, scoring both goals! So Chelsea are practically out of the Champions League spots. Arsenal, NUFC and Spurs (they beat Bolton) will battle for the 3rd and 4th in the last two rounds.
Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...
Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)
And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...
So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "34th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 34th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...
NORWICH CITY - MANCHESTER CITY 1-6 (0-2)
@Share_The_Match
Tevez hat-trick - where would City be now if he hadn't been a complete arsehole for two thirds of the season? Probably out of sight #mcfc
@RnRFootball
#Tevez celebrates hattrick by demonstrating his new golf swing picked up in Argentina these past few months. Clearly doesn't have a PR man
@MirrorFootball
Tevez uses his head (for once)
SUNDERLAND - WOLVERHAMPTON 0-0
@sorourkeITV
Ebanks-Blake being shaped like Beyonce is currently the highlight of #SAFC 0 #wolves 0. But like the weather, surely it's got to warm up.
@dodssssss
that game was a wet lettuce, a damp squid, really really poor #safc
SWANSEA CITY - BLACKBURN 3-0 (2-0)
@RobertDWoods
Well done Steve Kean that trip to watch QPR v Swansea was a good idea, you clearly exploited their weaknesses #bbcfootball
WEST BROMWICH ALBION - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 1-0 (1-0)
@WBAFCofficial
A sublime 30-yard strike by Dorrans . It's got to be a goal of the season contender! #wba
@matthewlhunter
The difference between Dorrans vs. a poor team and Dorrans vs. a good team is massive. Still a great player to have in the squad #wba
MANCHESTER UTD - ASTON VILLA 4-0 (2-0)
@TheHaikuKing
Ashley "SCUBA" Young/Dives to win a penalty/At Old Trafford. Cheat. #mufc
@InfostradaLive
Rooney has now scored multiple goals in 28 PL matches. Only Shearer (record 57), Henry, Fowler and Cole have done this more often. #mufc
ARSENAL - WIGAN 1-2 (1-2)
@MirrorFootball Oman! Al Habsi makes a worldy save to deny Benayoun.
LIVERPOOL - FULHAM 0-1 (0-1) @9_Hendo Taking off Jordan Henderson for Stewart Downing is like choosing between having a right, or left leg amputated #lfc #ffc @BeyondthePitch Love these high-def closeups on players .. you can actually see the bolts in Skrtel's neck ..... be very afraid Clint, you've awakened him @soccerpaedia Liverpool should get a new stadium and change their motto to "hold up Ancestors, we will walk alone from here"
STOKE CITY - EVERTON 1-1 (0-1) @MWBarnshaw Let's put our hands together and celebrate the 1000th Premiership goal this season..... Peter Crouch, with an own goal!!!! #superstar
CHELSEA - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1) @DaveClark_AFP Aggressive start from Sarkozy #France2012 and from Cissé #NUFC 1 Chelsea 0 @SamWallaceIndy Another hat-trick for Messi. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, the team he can't score against are losing to NUFC & looking flat @KnottJoe Looks like I could be doing a drunk eBay buy of Cisse in 15 years as I did do the other week for Asprilla #NUFC @dce8 For some reason, Sports Direct charge £17 for XL in the home #nufc top, £34 all other sizes. Big Mike sympathising with the pie eaters?
BOLTON - TOTTENHAM 1-4 (0-1) @allantweston Wheater gives s#it a bad name #bwfc #thfc @jeromeharris Adebayor! Adebayor! He slots in a second and now we have four! #ozspurs #COYS #thfc @devon_gooner turned tv off. seeing adebayor smile makes me sad.
Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)
And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...
So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "34th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 34th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...
NORWICH CITY - MANCHESTER CITY 1-6 (0-2)
@Share_The_Match
Tevez hat-trick - where would City be now if he hadn't been a complete arsehole for two thirds of the season? Probably out of sight #mcfc
@RnRFootball
#Tevez celebrates hattrick by demonstrating his new golf swing picked up in Argentina these past few months. Clearly doesn't have a PR man
@MirrorFootball
Tevez uses his head (for once)
SUNDERLAND - WOLVERHAMPTON 0-0
@sorourkeITV
Ebanks-Blake being shaped like Beyonce is currently the highlight of #SAFC 0 #wolves 0. But like the weather, surely it's got to warm up.
@dodssssss
that game was a wet lettuce, a damp squid, really really poor #safc
SWANSEA CITY - BLACKBURN 3-0 (2-0)
@RobertDWoods
Well done Steve Kean that trip to watch QPR v Swansea was a good idea, you clearly exploited their weaknesses #bbcfootball
WEST BROMWICH ALBION - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 1-0 (1-0)
@WBAFCofficial
A sublime 30-yard strike by Dorrans . It's got to be a goal of the season contender! #wba
@matthewlhunter
The difference between Dorrans vs. a poor team and Dorrans vs. a good team is massive. Still a great player to have in the squad #wba
MANCHESTER UTD - ASTON VILLA 4-0 (2-0)
@TheHaikuKing
Ashley "SCUBA" Young/Dives to win a penalty/At Old Trafford. Cheat. #mufc
@InfostradaLive
Rooney has now scored multiple goals in 28 PL matches. Only Shearer (record 57), Henry, Fowler and Cole have done this more often. #mufc
ARSENAL - WIGAN 1-2 (1-2)
@MirrorFootball Oman! Al Habsi makes a worldy save to deny Benayoun.
LIVERPOOL - FULHAM 0-1 (0-1) @9_Hendo Taking off Jordan Henderson for Stewart Downing is like choosing between having a right, or left leg amputated #lfc #ffc @BeyondthePitch Love these high-def closeups on players .. you can actually see the bolts in Skrtel's neck ..... be very afraid Clint, you've awakened him @soccerpaedia Liverpool should get a new stadium and change their motto to "hold up Ancestors, we will walk alone from here"
STOKE CITY - EVERTON 1-1 (0-1) @MWBarnshaw Let's put our hands together and celebrate the 1000th Premiership goal this season..... Peter Crouch, with an own goal!!!! #superstar
CHELSEA - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1) @DaveClark_AFP Aggressive start from Sarkozy #France2012 and from Cissé #NUFC 1 Chelsea 0 @SamWallaceIndy Another hat-trick for Messi. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, the team he can't score against are losing to NUFC & looking flat @KnottJoe Looks like I could be doing a drunk eBay buy of Cisse in 15 years as I did do the other week for Asprilla #NUFC @dce8 For some reason, Sports Direct charge £17 for XL in the home #nufc top, £34 all other sizes. Big Mike sympathising with the pie eaters?
BOLTON - TOTTENHAM 1-4 (0-1) @allantweston Wheater gives s#it a bad name #bwfc #thfc @jeromeharris Adebayor! Adebayor! He slots in a second and now we have four! #ozspurs #COYS #thfc @devon_gooner turned tv off. seeing adebayor smile makes me sad.
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