FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 36th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

If you're tired of Manchester City and Manchester United, let's put it this way. Tonight there was a duel between Scarface and Shrek. The brave men were not battling for Falklands, for which they could - regarding one is from Argentina, the other from England. No, it was a much more important battle. A battle for a premier lady.

Before the duel that lady fancied Shrek a bit more, she almost gave her special prize to him in advance. But Scarface fought really well. He outplayed his rival and warmed that lady's heart, gained some of her love. But not enough (yet). The not so young and confused in the head Argentinian, compared with a low-hanging fruit, will have to fight another battle for the ultimate reward. This time against the Toon Army. In Newcastle. If he and his blue men win that, she'll submit to him completely.

And now for something completely different. Well, sort of. There were quite a few memorable moments in the other encounters on English battlefields, too. Starting with a hat-trick of the Liverpool's Uruguayan, who's been loved as a beer after work and on the other hand hated as a hangover the next day. The same goes to the ex-Liverpool's Spaniard. Not just the beer stuff, he also scored three goals. For Chelsea. Seriously. Yes, I do talk about Fernando Torres.

Both of them helped their clubs to easy and somewhat expected wins. But what was not expected, was the humiliating of Newcastle. By the mighty Wigan. But it must be said that one of the main Bible characters, Moses, who likes to be called Victor, has come to help them. Everton on the other hand were helped by the Croatian goal-machine. Nikica Jelavic scored a brace to sink sunburnt, hungover and suspiciously itched Fulham.

In the other 36th round matches, Peter Coruch tries (unsuccessfully) to replicate Tower of Pisa, Frazier Campbell's bothered by the sunny weather, Pep Guardiola doesn't scare Terry Connor, Spurs like bars even more than Andy Carroll, and more.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "36th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 36th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

EVERTON - FULHAM 4-0 (3-0) @blueside1878 Dempsey should put a blue shirt on at half-time. Just to see how easily he'll fit in next year #efc @hijackp When the ball's in the air and all you see is hair, that's Fellaini! #efc @paddypower Fulham couldn't look more like they're on their holidays if they had sunburn, a hangover and a suspicious itch around the genitals #efc @andybell88 This is like watching Barcelona - but a good Barcelona! #efc #coyb @everton

STOKE CITY - ARSENAL 1-1 (1-1) @piersmorgan Re the 'that wasn't a free header for Crouch' debate - it's ALWAYS a free header if you're Crouch. Unless Kristof van Hout is in goal. @Bosscielny Crouch keeps trying to replicate the Leaning Tower of Pisa but he just keeps toppling over.

SUNDERLAND - BOLTON 2-2 (1-1) @FraizerCampbell I'm not injured tweeps. Just got cramp in both calfs! Not used to all this sun in Sunderland #hawaythelads @Arsenes_Eyes I would love to see @TheBig_Sam get the chance he deserves at Barcelona. A front three of Messi, Iniesta & Kevin Davies? Unstoppable.

SWANSEA - WOLVERHAMPTON 4-4 (4-2) @OptaJoe 22 - Andrea Orlandi's goal for Swansea came after just 22s, the quickest goal of the season. Flying. @paddypower BREAKING: #WWFC Terry Connor says he is "relaxed" after Guardiola is linked to Wolves....

WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ASTON VILLA 0-0 @MulumbusMate Ben Foster isn't good enough. I'm sorry but we should've never sold Carson http://twitpic.com/9et4jx @THOMASAGREEN Ben Foster has to come out of international retirement. Unreal goalkeeper, Albions player of the season by a mile.

WIGAN - NEWCASTLE UTD 4-0 (4-0) @alrickbrown BREAKING NEWS!! Guardiola set to become Wigan manager: "I heard about this guy named Moses who parted the Orange Sea and had to manage him." @dazzgedd73 If Wigan played like this week in & week out, they would be fighting a Champions League spot and not to avoid Championship place!!

NORWICH CITY - LIVERPOOL 0-3 (0-2) @teamdave Good Grief. Suarez has scored a goal. *jaw drop* - excellent. Hopefully some big clubs are watching and will bid for him in the summer. #lfc @sgrodahl Pun of the season: Definitely the day when the man from Montevideo, will want the video. #espn #lfc

CHELSEA - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 6-1 (4-0) @MrJamesMcMath Where was the making? Terry could have been up to anything at that back post. QPR defenders just lucky none of their wives were nearby #cfc @duncanjenkinsFC torres rounds the goalie and finishes with a plum. he is not a wolf in cheap clothing anymore, he is wearing "G star raw". #cfc #Q.P.R @darrenrusse11 Paddy Kenny's got that look about him, of a mole who's just come up to the surface and had bright light in his eyes. #QPR #CFC @Sapphire_LFC He'll knee you in the back, he'll stab you in the back, he plays in centre-back and he'll hate you if you're black. #CFC #Chelsea

TOTTENHAM - BLACKBURN 2-0 (1-0) @hotfunkybiscuit Unflattering camera angle on Paul Robinson looking a bit chunky from behind #brfc #thfc #babygotback @fingolfin82 Gareth bale you are not nor ever will be Cristiano Ronaldo so stay on the left! #thfc @da1seggy Has Sandro been watching Any Given Sunday? He's doing his Willie Beaman throw up on the pitch impression #thfc @corneliusGORTON Blackburns lack of possession is making the Brazilian sick #BRFC #THFC @MirrorFootball @Tweetistuta Bar-count now goes up to 3 today for us. I swear we hit the bar more times than Andy Carroll. #thfcž @DJohnsy_1988 Kyle walker...... Roberto carlos' brother!! #thfc

MANCHESTER CITY - MANCHESTER UTD 1-0 (1-0) @forevruntd SAF takes charge of 995th league game for United & Mancini with his 95th PL game as City manager. Gap. #mufc @jonny_power SAF going for a 'euro away' formation, which worked really well this season #MUFC @jklette43 Park Ji Sung is the human tuxedo. Fergie only uses that guy for special occasions. #MUFC @weirdo67 love Gary Neville on Sky 'Tevez was a low-hanging fruit for 5 months and no-one picked him up' #mufc #thisistheone @brizinorth "The wind is going to play havoc with that" says the commentator as Rooney skies it. Referring of course to Wayne's hair #mufc #mcfc @gram_robinson29 would rather eva mendez was breaking up with me than been 1-0 down here. 45 minutes left, still all to play for #MUFC @almole Giggs hasn't look this pissed off since the last time he opened Tweetdeck #mcfc.#mufc @reubenmunroe Youngs just arrived at the ground straight from manchester leisure centre. Had a couple of hours practising off the 10 m boards. #mcfc #mufc

SLOVENIA WELCOMES ROONEY'S AND FABREGAS' SUCCESSORS

I am quite sure the round-ball enthusiasts know pretty much all about Wayne Rooney, Cesc Fabregas, Nuri Sahin, Toni Kroos, Bojan Krkić. And Connor Wickham and Kyle Ebecilio even. Some of them are already established superstars, some of them are still the diamonds in the rough. But all of above mentioned have something more in common. They were all once picked as the best players in UEFA Euro U17.

This year's tournament of the future football stars is hosted by Slovenia (4th - 16th May). My lovely country, squeezed between Italy, Austria, Hungary, Croatia and the Adriatic sea, decorated with various types of forests, picturesque mountains (although I'm not much of a mountaineer), a couple of lovely lakes, good food and even better booze, is worth a visit. Yes, like in every other country the self-centered politicians spoil the could-be paradise, but let me ignore them. As I often do. The country is still beautiful. As is football. The most beautiful game in the world.

The tournament, which will surely uncover some of the future stars, will be played in four towns. Lendava and Maribor in the eastern part of the country will host the matches of the Group B, which consists of Slovenia, Poland, Belgium and the Netherlands, champions of Europe in 2011. In central part of Slovenia, in Domžale and Ljubljana, there will be matches of Group A (France, Iceland, Georgia, Germany). The semifinals and final will be played in Stožice (part of Ljubljana) at the newest and biggest Slovenian stadium with a capacity of near 16,000.

The experts say the successors of Johan Cruyff, Ruud Gullit, Marco van Basten... will be the team to beat. "I think they are the main favourites of the tournament. Even other experts that follow these kind of championships say, that the Netherlands possess the most talent, have the best quality of play etc.," said former Slovenian international Marko Simeunović, also one of the two ambassadors of the UEFA under 17 championship. The other is a former Slovenia striker Sašo Udović.

The Dutch coach Albert Stuivenberg hasn't been surprised by sticking them the favourites' role. "I think the media will say 'the Netherlands are the favourites in that group'. But we have a whole new group; every year we have a new team so it's always a very exciting period for the players, because they experience for the first time what playing at a European Championship means. It's a great challenge for us as staff to prepare well, and hopefully it will be enough," he told UEFA.com.

Their first opponent at the coming Euro will be the hosts, who count on a massive support in Maribor. The Ljudski vrt stadium (capacity cca. 12,000) has a reputation of being the 'hottest' venue in Slovenian football, which could not be bad at all for the ambitious Slovenians, who'd like to progress at least to the semifinals.

"It's just what I wanted. The first game of the tournament versus the strongest team out there. In these kind of situtations you have the biggest chance for the upset. They don't know us, we know something about them. I've seen them play, they are a very good side, very organized, but I believe we can make a good result there," were the first words of the Slovenian coach Miloš Kostić after the draw. Which took place on April 4th in one of Ljubljana hotels.

Although Kostić refused to name the players for which he believes can succeed in the world of football, he's convinced that this Euro will surely offer a lot of joy. "You'll see some of the future stars. That's for sure. I've been to quite a few matches of the teams, which qualified for the final stage. And all of them have some outstanding players. Yes, there are many factors influencing your path to the football greatness, but there are already some footballers, resembling some of the world's greatest with some moves. It will be a lot of joy watching them," concluded Kostić.

* Schedule (hours in CET): * Group A: Friday, May 4th: 1830 Ljubljana: Georgia - Germany, 2030 Domžale: France - Iceland, Monday, May 7th: 1730 Domžale: France - Georgia, 1830 Ljubljana: Iceland - Germany, Thursday, may 10th: 1930 Ljubljana: Germany - France, 1930 Domžale: Iceland - Georgia.

* Group B: Friday, May 4th: 1400 Lendava: Poland - Belgium, 2015 Maribor: Slovenia - Netherlands, Monday, May 7th: 1700 Maribor: Netherlands - Belgium, 2015 Lendava: Slovenia - Poland, Thursday, may 10th: 1730 Lendava: Netherlands - Poland, 1730 Maribor: Belgium - Slovenia.

Sunday, May 13th: 1730/2030 Ljubljana: semifinals

Wednesday, May 16th: 18.00 Ljubljana: final

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 35th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

The opening match of the 35th round was a London derby. Everybody expected a cracker - but got a snore-fest. Ok, the footballers of a club, which got its name by putting -nal to a, well, backside, hit the post/bar twice, but otherwise it was as boring as baseball. Or cricket, if you want. No wonder then that a season-high number of fans at the Emirates were... quiet. However, it is possible they had missed Didi Drogba, who was left out due to olympic campaign. Some say, he really likes jumping in the pools of water. In acrobatic fashion.

Much more exciting was at the St. James' Park, as the NUFC's stadium will be (again and rightly so) called on "no-sponsors-names-allowed" Tuesdays and Wednesdays in the next season. The Magpies got another three points and are serious contenders for one of the Champions League spots. Yes, Papiss Demba Cisse scored again.

As did Wazza (literally in the theater, it was as quiet as the Emirates!). He's now in the top 4 of United's all time scoring list. And just a goal behind Robin van Persie in the battle of EPL "capocannoniere". Who has an abstinence crisis of some sort. He was told to go back to what he was smoking before... Anyway, despite the goals by the hair-plugs, the Red Devils didn't win versus the blues from Liverpool. In addition, the blues from Manchester beat the Wolves from Falklands. This means that the Manchester derby next Monday will probably decide this year's champion.

In other 35th round matches, waving middle fingers is obviously a common way to greet Alex McLeish, a Canadian rescues Blackburn from the crapper, Philippe Senderos scored (no, really!), Liverpool - WBA game is like a delayed ejaculation, and more. Must see: why would Tottenham's big-eared star Gareth Bale fit in Barca's squad perfectly? A hint: it has nothing to do with the testis as there is a shortage of them in the lilywhites' shorts.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "35th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 35th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

ARSENAL - CHELSEA 0-0
@YouAreMyArsenal Didier Drogba has been rulled out of the Emirates clash v #Arsenal. He has Olympic diving trials with Bale & Young.
@MountainWAG
Malouda has a haircut that screams, "I passed out at a Sublime show & woke up like this." Even #afc players are astounded. #hairfail @TheGinge87 'Always a threat John Terry'. Yeah he is when your wife is around. #cfc #afc @bluechampion Mike Dean is a kind referee. He listens to Arsenal players before he makes his decisions. #afc #cfc @JeParleGeordais Emirates, world's most expensive library #afc #cfc #noatmosphere @BobbyDigital45 Gervinho: wtf are u about? Do u actually know how to play football? And why did u fool Wenger with that brazilian name when u from IC! #AFC

ASTON VILLA - SUNDERLAND 0-0
@danwalkerbbc Villa have had 350 corners in the PL since last scoring from 1! (James Collins, Nov 2010 v Blackpool) #DullButFascinating #stat #AVFC @molotov_bomb Heskey on :( You literally might as well bring on a cat. #avfc @EdFitter McLeish went over to fans, 2 men learned over to him and waved their middle fingers in anger at him, he looked destroyed. Ouch.. #avfc

BLACKBURN - NORWICH CITY 2-0 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Blackburn 2-0 Norwich - Hoilett pulls Rovers out the toilett? @joshboswellbrfc Mauro Formica is a recession Kaka.

BOLTON - SWANSEA 1-1 (1-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Bolton 1-1 Swansea - Eagles gets home side flying again

FULHAM - WIGAN 2-1 (0-0)/
@FulhamFC So Martin Jol makes two changes from the Chelsea match, Kelly and Frei are replaced by Senderos and the returning Pogrebnyak #FFC @DaviDiggz Pogrebnyak proving to be a good bargain for Fulhan FC with his ongoing love affair for the opposing sides netting. @richardosman Phillipe Senderos has scored? You're kidding? My auto-correct will only accept 'Phillipe Senderos hasn't scored'. #COYW

NEWCASTLE UTD - STOKE CITY 3-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 11 - Papiss Demba Cisse has equalled Mick Quinn's Premier League record of most goals in his first 10 games (11). Unstoppable. @atoonlad Incentive for #NUFC to reach the CL, UEFA don't allow sponsored stadiums so all home games will be at St. James' Park” @jozxyqk76 Having a Guinness in honour of the amazing black & whites #nufc

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - TOTTENHAM 1-0 (1-0)
@paddypower And #THFC's Gareth Bale is quite a player- but imagine what he'll be like when he evolves... @FRfootballLiam #Taarabt scores a free kick. "Put that in your pipe and smoke it Harry!" You can almost hear him say. #QPR 1-0 #THFC @Mo_Diame21 Bale looks like a #Barca player.............not capable of scoring in West London #QPR #thfc @mktuam #Spurs need Testicular Fortitude...anyone know who he plays for? #COYS #THFC

MANCHESTER UTD - EVERTON 4-4 (1-1)
@georgiebingham Er - is Rooney attempting a Roy Keane/James from Geordie Shore Combover? Noooooooo. We get it! The hair transplant worked! #MUFC Ashwin Venkat ‏ @avenkat10 @PGrealey Pienaar has changed the message on his vest to JELAVIC IS GREAT!! @SamWallaceIndy MU all-time goalscorers: Charlton 758 apps/249 gls; Law 404/237; Rowley 424/211; Rooney 362/180. Rooney's goal to game ratio is very good @eugineprince Now Rooney is just a goal behind RVP. The Dutchman shud go back to what he was smoking @NileshP7 The only positive was Rooney & Welbeck doing a nice impression of Yorke and Cole. Unfortunately our back 4 did an impression of Wolves, ffs.

LIVERPOOL - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 0-1 (0-0)
@chrislepkowski Odemwingie goal is Albion's first at Anfield since November 1985. That's also the last time #wba scored in open play vs LFC @liverpooldeep LFC remind me a bit of when you're playing 2 player on FIFA and the other person leaves the room, you unpause, and you still can't score. @kitster29LFC This game is the football equivalent to delayed ejaculation. Everytime we hit the vinegar strokes, we start thinking about tax returns. #LFC

WOLVERHAMPTON - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-1)
@spider76efc Just learnt that etihad translates into English as unity, so you could say in a way that man city play at the united stadium @UnitedsRedArmy And the commentator said "those supporting Man City have pessimism in their DNA" no mate it's called wankerism #UNITED @joshuaax1234 Love how wolves are relegated and can hear them singing and man city are nearly winning the league and can hear a thing. Wish I was there. @FourFourTom Wolves fans to Tevez and Aguero: "The Falklands are ours, the Falklands are ours, f*ck off you Argies, the Falklands are ours!" - genius.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 32nd AND 33 rd ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Easter holidays. Plenty of food, plenty of football. That's why this is a "double". After these two rounds of EPL it is pretty much clear that MUFC's 20th title is just seconds of downloading away.

Or is it? What the red ones showed against Wigan was not exactly champions' performance. Tottenham disappointed, too. In fact they were so poor, that the fans took the opportunity and did a fire-drill. Of some sort.

Anyhow, there were a lot of good tweets this week, so I will not bother you anymore. Scroll down and you might get a tear or two in the eye... A little teaser: even Andy Carroll and Ron Jeremy are down there. In the same tweet!

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "32nd/33rd edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 33rd round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

32nd round
SWANSEA CITY - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1)
@OptaJoe
66 - Papiss Demba Cisse has the best current minutes/goal ratio in Premier League history. Hotshot.
@MirrorFootball
All we are saying, is don't give Papiss a chance...
@waggo8
What do Papiss Cisse and Andy Carroll have in common?Nothing @itsyourboyadey
@ryantcb
Swansea game was like the Indiana Jones Scene where this swordsman does all the fancy sword swinging and Jones just shoots him

SUNDERLAND - TOTTENHAM 0-0
@scjessey
The game is so narrow, it's like watching it being played in a hallway. Players keep bumping into each other. #COYS #THFC #Spurs
@IRCFootball
Super Brad Friedel hasnt missed a premier league game since 15th May 2004, 298 games. Someone in our chatroom said, he needs a life. #thfc

BOLTON - FULHAM 0-3 (0-2)
@OptaJoe
5 - Clint Dempsey has now netted five goals in the last three games against Bolton Wanderers. Threat.
@TheLiamC
Dear any deity who may hear and care, give #FFC a win tomorrow and I will abstain from self-love for a month...

CHELSEA - WIGAN 2-1 (0-0)
@chelseafc
Chelsea fans singing about a pigeon in the ground.........pretty much sums up the first half. #CFC (SL)
@SharonFT9
we robbed Wigan yesterday and it felt good. ;p

LIVERPOOL - ASTON VILLA 1-1 (0-1)
@craig_holdenLFC
I wonder if #lfc ticket prices go down next season? Anyone who says the money we pay is worth watching that calibre of "football" is a liar.

NORWICH CITY - EVERTON 2-2 (1-1)
@philmcnulty
Watched Nikica Jelavic for Rangers & doubted whether he would do it in the Premier League - another one I called correctly.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION - BLACKBURN 3-0 (1-0)
@FourFourTom
Let's play the "make a sentence from the West Brom v Blackburn squads" game. "Long Cox Orr Modeste, Kean Goodwillie". I think I win.

STOKE CITY - WOLVERHAMPTON 2-1 (1-1)
@M_arioBalotelli
Latest possession stats: Stoke - 5%, Wolves - 5%, Ball needlessly pumped into the air by Stoke - 90%.

MANCHESTER UTD - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 2-0 (1-0)
@mufcfans
Loading 20th Title: ██████████████████_] 90% Complete | #MUFC

ARSENAL - MANCHESTER CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@mufcfans
Who said Wenger doesn't deliver trophies? #MUFC #AFC

33rd round
EVERTON - SUNDERLAND 4-0 (0-0)
@danwalkerbbc
17 out of 10 for Pienaar today. The footballing equivalent of @bubbawatson's hook of doom at Augusta #EFC

NEWCASTLE UTD - BOLTON 2-0 (0-0)
@JackWilshere
Shock Cisse scored! #player
@anthlowther
My dad calls pappis cisse "a snipers nightmare". Coz his head is so small.

TOTTENHAM - NORWICH CITY 1-2 (1-1)
@henrywinter
#ncfc fans noting a few #thfc fans leaving start singing: 'Is there a fire drill?" 1-2 88

ASTON VILLA - STOKE CITY 1-1 (1-0)
@MirrorFootball
This is Stoke's 51st game of the season. not including the World Cup in New Zealand

FULHAM - CHELSEA 1-1 (0-1)
@John_KKK_Terry
Chelsea FC will no longer play any games on January 31st, due to the tragic signing of Fernando Torres. The memory is just too painful.

BLACKBURN - LIVERPOOL 2-3 (1-2)
@rogbennett
Crazy game. Can you think of 4 more unexpected words than "Match Winner Andy Carroll." "Ron Jeremy For President" perhaps?

MANCHESTER CITY - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 4-0 (1-0)
@NotTheRealLJK
Dreamt I lived with Aguero and I'd been teaching him Manc slang. He said "Cheers Love" when his missus handed him a drink.

WIGAN - MANCHESTER UTD 1-0 (0-0)
@paddypower
#MUFC: after a disappointing night, sir Alex confirms Phil Dowd will be dropped to the bench for the next match. Makes sense #taxi
@henrywinter
#wafc 1 #mufc 0. Deserved. Wigan sharper, more defiant. Scorer Maloney man of match. At ft, DJ played 'The Great Escape' & 'I'm a Believer"

WOLVERHAMPTON - ARSENAL 0-3 (0-2)
@Arsenes_Eyes
"Hi Harry? Arsene here. I've just found a Gap in Wolverhampton. Is it yours? I heard that you lost one recently" #Arsenal #AFC

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - SWANSEA CITY 3-0 (1-0)
@KeithCostigan
QPR fans chanting "it's like watching paint dry" to Swansea fans.
@Betfairpoker
When Joey Barton scored that goal, he did the worst ever goal celebration: forming a hashtag with his hands.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 31st ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

As the season progresses it seems that red will be THE colour. Despite Steve Kean put everyone in the bus (double-decker in fact) and parked it in front of his goalkeeper, creatures from hell (well, aren't they the devils or something) got what they came for.

They even didn't need help from Beelzebub (the latter even tried to eliminate one of his men, but, luckily for the ginger one, his lasers didn't work), although he was there - just in case. You didn't notice him? Maybe the telly misled you. Namely, they also call him Howard Webb. Anyway, the devils with great wings (they even have names for them - Young and Valencia) are flying high.

On the other hand, the oil-fueled blue moon is in somewhat descending mode. The experts' evaluation of the current situation of the richest (Manchester-based) not-so-natural satellite is -5. One of the reasons for getting more and more into the cold is B-52. Its Danish version is causing mayhem across the EPL - lately by air-strikes. And the before mentioned moon was not an exception.

In other 31st round matches, one of the Norwich City players causes damage to speakers, one of the Arse's players should be sacrificed, one of the Bolton players imitates Liam Neeson, one of the Liverpool players is dazed and confused by black&white combination, one of the Tottenham players is not a chronically idle clown with the first touch of a concrete elephant, and more.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "31st edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 31st round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...

ASTON VILLA - CHELSEA 2-4 (0-1)
@TomOakley_:
Goals and assists in the last two weeks: Torres = 3 goals & 4 assists. Van Persie = 0 goals & 2 assists. #CFC"
@OptaJoe
1035 - Fernando Torres has scored his first Premier League goal in 1035 minutes. Refreshed.

EVERTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-0 (1-0)
@Everton
Referee Peter Walton making his final PL outing today before moving to the USA. His first game was a 2-1 Everton win over West Brom here
@vviinneerr
If you google : everton afro , it takes you directly to the wiki page of fellaini

FULHAM - NORWICH CITY 2-1 (2-0)
@OptaJoe
7 - Only Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie have scored more PL goals in 2012 than Clint Dempsey. Radical.
@BigGrantHolt
Just heard Aaron Wilbraham on my radio. His voice broke my bass speakers. #ncfc
@Juanmigo
Also, today was #Wilbrahamovic's 100th career goal. wished better circumstances for it, but still some achievement. #ncfc well done alby!

MANCHESTER CITY - SUNDERLAND 3-3 (1-2)
@BrentsGotNards
Best thing to come out of Sweden since Roxette! #larsson #safc
@BrentsGotNards
A team that cost £50kajillion to assemble and they have to dive. Ridiculous. #safc #mcfc
@prestonj85
B-52 strikes again! #mcfc #safc
@TopRed99
WOWZERS....I just made a mess in my trousers!! Sunderland 3-1 YEEE HAAA the lads #SAFC #MCFC
@InnaMUFC_Vettel
That between Balotelli&Kolarov was epic.Mario was looking like he's ready to beat up his own team mate for 1 free kick.And thats team spirit

QUEENS PARK RANGERS - ARSENAL 2-1 (1-1)
@OptaJoe
22% - Arsenal have won a lower percentage of games against QPR than versus any other opponent in PL history (22%). Hooped.
@arsnllatest
And when I say sacrifice Aaron Ramsey, I actually mean sacrifice. With an altar and a knife and everything. Hopeless. #afc
@TEAMtalk
Were we seeing things or did #qpr striker Adel Taraabt just put a fez on when he scored v #afc? Think he got booked for it too!

WIGAN - STOKE CITY 2-0 (0-0)
@BusinessStudies
Don't know why we ever bother to turn up to play Wigan. We always give them points. Hope we aren't as charitable next week.

WOLVERHAMPTON - BOLTON 2-3 (0-0)
@OptaJoe
3 - Bolton Wanderers have won three league games in a row for the first time since December 2006. Fightback.
@MirrorFootball
GOAL!!! 3-1 to Bolton now. Kevin Davies does to Wolves what Liam Neeson did in The Grey.

NEWCASTLE UTD - LIVERPOOL 2-0 (1-0)
@BeyondthePitch
More cheating going on in this NUFC-LFC match than a swingers convention already, buckle up for some wildness
@Sector29
So, Skirtle obviously thought, "what can I do to improve my looks?" Yes. Two armfuls of tattoos. That's lovely. #nufc
@MatthewJRudd
Suarez is playing really poorly against #nufc. Maybe he's confused by how good it looks to see black and white together.
@Geordie4Ever1
Tell me Ma me Ma I want be home for tea, I'm going to Italy, tell me Ma me Ma #nufc #toonineurope

TOTTENHAM - SWANSEA 3-1 (1-0)
@Barrell89
So we send Bale down the left and whaddya know, he tears Swansea a new one #thfc
@da1seggy
Scott Parker has got his headless chicken suit on today. Calm down fella #thfc
@Doyoulikebread
Pleat's commentary = Player nationality + adjective. 'The diminutive Croatian' 'Brazilian maestro' Welsh Wizard' 'English muffin' #THFC
@Mitchtaylorr
If Gareth Bale was black, Usain Bolt would have a problem #thfc
@markwools
Can we bring my nan on for Adebayor.. She'll do a better job.!!!!
@ByRobDavies
I take it all back Adebayor, you're not a chronically idle clown with the first touch of a concrete elephant after all. #thfc

BLACKBURN - MANCHESTER UTD 0-2 (0-0)
@SihleSays
Scholes "foul": Those are the sort of decisions that lead people to alcoholism Mr Webb #mufc #blackburn
@edmorgans
Webb repeatedly points at Scholes, hoping for lasers to fly from his fingers and strike the red-head down, but no luck. #MUFC
@camden560
I bet Ronaldinho is sat in Santos proper gutted his brother couldn't sort out a move to Blackburn #mufc #brfc
@PubChick
Im glad my neighbours aren't all that close.. Cause the way Im screaming "GET IT IN!!!" repeatedly could be awkward to explain. #mufc
@arthurpdent42
Proof that Twitter can tell the future... Ashley Young was trending top 10 worldwide BEFORE he scored #mufc