FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 38th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Here we are. The last blog of the season. A bit late - as was City's championship goal. A really dramatic finish of a dramatic season. Let's put City's win aside for a bit. Because there was a lot of drama going on in other aspects of the game, too. In fact, it was quite tense on the pitch of Ettihad Stadium. Even Begbie would fit in the mess - caused by (surprise, surprise) Joey "The Kung Fu...d up" Barton - nicely.

But even that little rascal couldn't stop "biches" (blue + riches) from conquering the league. Sir Alex probably already ordered a double 18-year-old in the 90th minute, but he poured it down his throat only to drown his sorrows. He just couldn't stand the fact his pal Mark Hughes betrayed him. And let the City to take the necessary points in dying moments of the season. Well, anyway, congrats to Manchester City. And its tactician Mancini, who was prepared to do anything for the win. Even to send Nigel De Jong to the Stadium of Light to sort things out with Wayne Rooney and his (useless) goal.

In the other last round matches, it's revealed that Defoe, Adebayor, Livermore (and I would add half of the Arsenal's squad) share the same barber as Raul Meireles, Everton players handcuff Steven Pienaar, Liverpool are unlucky even in the last game of the season, Jermaine Defoe does a whale (so they say... I'm not a biologist), Marton Fulop equals butter, the match between Wigan and Wolves satisfies some of the Only fools and horses cast, and more.

At this point I would like to thank all the tweeps for contributing factual, funny, ironic, satyric, clever, biased, and even stupid, tweets. Some of them were simply brilliant! Also, thank you, my beloved readers! Any ideas for the next season?


CHELSEA - BLACKBURN 2-1 (2-0)
@MLS_Analyst Remember 8 years ago when there were suddenly all those Chelsea fans? I wonder if they're wearing a lighter shade of blue today. @OptaParody 2.99 - It looks like Defoe, Adebayor and Livermore have been going to the same £2.99 a time barber as Raul Meireles. Shocking @bridgeviews Arguably the finest moment today: 'He cuts his own hair, he cuts his own haiiir, Raul Meireles, he cuts his own hair' #cfc #Chelsea


EVERTON - NEWCASTLE UTD 3-1 (2-0)
@davidsimpson88 Howard: "They [players] have handcuffed him [Pienaar] to the showers. He's not going back down to London." #EFC @MirrorFootball GOAL! Everton 3-1 Newcastle - Tony Hibbert takes pity on the Toon and scores for them


MANCHESTER CITY - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 3-2 (1-0)
@paul_tomkins While Barton will be hated by United fans if City now win, at least he tried to take out the entire City XI in a Kung-fu masterclass @sickipediabot Inspired by Man City's success, I'm going to make sure my kids win Sports Day by buying loads of fast, strong kids from other countries. @FootballFunnys What's the definition of irony? Man City winning the league in Fergie time. @Footy_Jokes Its just been announced that Joey Barton is an unlockable character on Mortal Kombat. @Martin_Carr Joey Barton is a pacifist, a pacihead, paciknee and a pacielbow. #motd @OptaParody 1 - Micah Richards is apparently the 1 player from Manchester City that Joey Barton didn't fancy a dust up with. Lad @royhendo The Joey Barton moment was basically the bit in Trainspotting when Begbie tosses the pint glass off the balcony.


NORWICH CITY - ASTON VILLA 2-0 (2-0)
@OptaJoe 15 - Grant Holt PL goals this season, the joint-most by a player for a newly-promoted side since Andy Johnson for Palace in 04/05 (21). Leap


STOKE CITY - BOLTON 2-2 (1-2)
@JacquiOatley Muted celebrations from Jonathan Walters after his goals for Stoke v Bolton...helped to relegate his former club. #BWFC #scfc


SUNDERLAND - MANCHESTER UTD 0-1 (0-1)
@MirrorFootball Mancini sends out De Jong to warm up. Going to send him up to Sunderland for 2nd half to kick Wayne Rooney in the chest @StupidFootball Are you a Man United fan devastated by City's title win? Cheer up. Things could be a lot worse... You could be living in Manchester. @tonguetweets Fergie in his book: "Mark Hughes is a warrior with whom you would trust your life" And your title? #MUFC #QPR @StupidFootball Rooney's overhead-kick against Man City was voted the greatest Premiership goal ever. Yesterday's against Sunderland was the most useless.


SWANSEA - LIVERPOOL 1-0 (0-0)
@SurrealFootball Liverpool: the first team ever to be unlucky for all 38 games in a season. @FunnyGooner Liverpool 2009: £41 million spent, 63 points Liverpool 2010: £47 million spent, 58 points Liverpool 2011-12: £92 million spent, 52 points


TOTTENHAM - FULHAM 2-0 (1-0)
@OptaJoe 20 - Jermain Defoe is the first player to score 20 goals as a substitute in Premier League history. Tracksuit. @ItsEvaSamuel Ryan giggs did miss wales, jermaine defoe did miss whale


WEST BROMWICH ALBION - ARSENAL 2-3 (2-2)
@andygoldstein05 Just seen the Arsenal goals...I'm guessing Fulop isn't a spurs fan. @BBCSport Fulop's first English club was Tottenham - signed in summer of 2004 but never played a competitive game for them @OptaJoke 3 - Marton Fulop needed 3 more errors to be signed by Arsene Wenger this summer. Butter.


WIGAN - WOLVERHAMPTON 3-2 (2-1)
@MirrorFootball GOAL! Wigan 2-1 Wolves: Boyce - Marlene will be happy @sickipediabot Wigan fans are delighted after todays win. With their 11th of the season, the team can now dedicate one to each of their fans. @OptaJoe 1 - Matt Jarvis' goal at Wigan means Wolves have their first goal in the opening 15 mins this season, the last PL team to do so. Patient.

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 37th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Unless a miracle happens on May 13th at Ettihad stadium, the Citizens will lift the trophy. They did their job as expected at the St. James' Park, although you can blame someone's mom for City's win. Anyway, the Manchester blues have the same number of points as Manchester reds, but far better goal-difference.

That's why and the fact that they play against QPR in the last round it would be utopian to expect a some kind of surprise. Or a gift for the loved ones from the other part of the city. The red ones need, well, snookers. In a way. And could use some help of a recently retired star Stephen Hendry.

On the other hand, Arsenal's fans aren't too happy after this round. Just a point is less than they expected versus Norwich. But they were a bit happier after the NUFC's in THFC's games. Yes, both of them failed to win. So, even in the battle for the 3rd and 4th spot, it could be useful to know some snooker. At least for the Spurs and Gunners.

In the other 37th round matches, Wolves are preparing for a trip to Barnsley, Bolton have been banned from keeping dogs, and more. A match of the round? Blackburn - Wigan. No, seriously. Huge on Twitter. Usually a yak is the animal, when you talk about newly-relegated Blackburn. But not this time. The chicken was THE animal this time.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.
This is the "37th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 37th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...


ARSENAL - NORWICH CITY 3-3 (1-2) @UtdWeekly "I don't 1-2 be an Arsenal fan", said the Arsenal fan. #afc @rourkey4 I like Arsenal's new yellow and green home kit, playing so well. #AFC @TH14Vinayak It's not easy being an Arsenal fan... but it's hard not to love this team! . Except towards the end of the seaosn #Afc #Arsenal @ChitownArsenal Hopefully the players had collection plates during the lap of appreciation after that. We'll need the money w/ a 5th place finish #AFC


NEWCASTLE UTD - MANCHESTER CITY 0-2 (0-0) @StevieCJT The Toon Army chant that most iconic of footballing wisdom's "The Referee's a Wanker" #mcfc #nufc @bardiak My mom just woke up and said good morning, then city scored. I asked her to please go back to bed. #nufc #mcfc @paddypower Sooooo close from Aguero...Mrs Power was right...inches make all the difference #mcfc #nufc


ASTON VILLA - TOTTENHAM 1-1 (1-0)
@MardyyBum Danny Rose shown a RED CARD! Well, Roses are red... #thfc @huey07 Well looks like we need snookers. Typical #thfc #sameoldspurs


BOLTON - WEST BROMWICH ALBION 2-2 (1-0)
@ant176 Bolton players have been banned from keeping dogs as they can't hold onto a lead. #bwfc


FULHAM - SUNDERLAND 2-1 (2-1)
@OptaJoe 15 – Clint Dempsey has scored 15 goals in his last 15 appearances in all competitions at Craven Cottage. Enforcer. @PCarrESPN Clint Dempsey is the 1st Fulham player with 50 career Premier League goals.


QUEENS PARK RANGERS - STOKE CITY 1-0 (0-0)
@InfostradaLive #QPR won their 5th home match in a row, their longest winning run at home in the top flight since a 5-match streak from Aug to Oct 1987


WOLVERHAMPTON - EVERTON 0-0
@Everton Wolves fans singing 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we're going to Barnsley'.


MANCHESTER UTD - SWANSEA 2-0 (2-0)
@The_Spend Phil Jones. Like watching a person made of elastic bands and porridge play football. #mufc @NotGusPoyet After persuading Paul Scholes to come out of retirement Sir Alex now try the same with Stephen Hendry for next week as #mufc need snookers


BLACKBURN - WIGAN 0-1 (0-0)
@StupidFootball Without Wayne Rooney's goals this season, Man United would be 1 point ahead of Blackburn. Fact. @tomEurosport Brilliant! Blackburn fans, presumably, release a chicken onto the turf at Ewood Park. @nhsriley That blackburn chicken is the best thing rovers have served up at home all season. Amazing! @PCarrESPN Chicken on the field at Blackburn. Cue up the fowl jokes. <- A new special for Venky's: Taste Of Relegation @NW3Gooner Blackburn fans taking 'feed the Yak and he'll score' too seriously and throwing a chicken onto the pitch. @PeteScuff After chicken released in themed animal protest at Blackburn, I'm concerned about Wolves next match. @KWAMMC This guy Modeste has really lived up to his name playing up top for Blackburn. Not good at all. @tomEurosport There's no escape from that Alcaraz goal for Blackburn.

LIVERPOOL - CHELSEA 4-1 (3-0)
@MikelArteta08 Just a reminder, £20m Stewart Downing has 1 arrest this season but 0 league goals and 0 league assists. #LFC #CFC @mj_afc LFC fans singing to Torres "You should have stayed at a big club." They are right, he shouldn't have left Atletico! @MirrorFootball Uh-oh - Alan Smith has awarded the man of the match bubbly to Andy Carroll. Give him a camera too and they'll have Hangover III in the can @MirrorFootball Carroll tries an ambitious chip... Which is funny, cos at the start of the the season, the only chips he cared about came with burgers etc

FUNNY (?) TWITTER RECAP OF THE 34th ROUND OF ENGLISH PREMIERLEAGUE

Finally it's over. This was a really long round. This is just a short recap, what happened in it. Manchester City humiliated Norwich City due to a hattrick, scored by - some say - a complete arsehole. Steve Kean had prepared his team very well for the Swansea match, Manchester United was helped to an easy win by a young diver, Liverpool were embarrassed at the Anfield despite having an iron man in its defensive line, Peter Crouch put himself in the history books by scoring a milestone goal. In the wrong net, that is.

The last two matches were played tonight. There was a derby between Chelsea and Newcastle UTD for staying in the battle for the 4th spot. And guess who was the man of the match! No, not Fernando Torres. It was Papiss Demba Cisse, scoring both goals! So Chelsea are practically out of the Champions League spots. Arsenal, NUFC and Spurs (they beat Bolton) will battle for the 3rd and 4th in the last two rounds.

Now it's time to explain (again), what this blog is all about. As I wrote the last few times: You won't find any detailed experts' analysis here. You won't find complete scoresheets either. But you'll find a good banter, juicy comments about the game, the clubs, the players, the refs, the goals... Maybe you'll find some useful info/opinion for a football chat in your favourite bar...

Namely, football is a global sport, so is the English Premierleague. It is followed by a huge number of a-round-ball-loving enthusiasts, journos, players and managers themselves... I hear football is also more and more popular in the US of soccer... :)

And for all those reasons it's widely commented on Twitter. It is a very well known "fact" that tweeps possess a lot of football knowledge, common sense, cynicism, humour, love/hate relationships... And, yes, even different kinds of stupidity occur...

So, all the ingredients for the tasty soup of football opinion are there.

This is the "34th edition". Here are some of the bits, which should shed some (different) light on the 32nd and 34th round of EPL. I thank all the tweeps for contributing...


NORWICH CITY - MANCHESTER CITY 1-6 (0-2)
@Share_The_Match
Tevez hat-trick - where would City be now if he hadn't been a complete arsehole for two thirds of the season? Probably out of sight #mcfc
@RnRFootball
#Tevez celebrates hattrick by demonstrating his new golf swing picked up in Argentina these past few months. Clearly doesn't have a PR man
@MirrorFootball
Tevez uses his head (for once)


SUNDERLAND - WOLVERHAMPTON 0-0
@sorourkeITV
Ebanks-Blake being shaped like Beyonce is currently the highlight of #SAFC 0 #wolves 0. But like the weather, surely it's got to warm up.
@dodssssss
that game was a wet lettuce, a damp squid, really really poor #safc


SWANSEA CITY - BLACKBURN 3-0 (2-0)
@RobertDWoods
Well done Steve Kean that trip to watch QPR v Swansea was a good idea, you clearly exploited their weaknesses #bbcfootball


WEST BROMWICH ALBION - QUEENS PARK RANGERS 1-0 (1-0)
@WBAFCofficial
A sublime 30-yard strike by Dorrans . It's got to be a goal of the season contender! #wba
@matthewlhunter
The difference between Dorrans vs. a poor team and Dorrans vs. a good team is massive. Still a great player to have in the squad #wba


MANCHESTER UTD - ASTON VILLA 4-0 (2-0)
@TheHaikuKing
Ashley "SCUBA" Young/Dives to win a penalty/At Old Trafford. Cheat. #mufc
@InfostradaLive
Rooney has now scored multiple goals in 28 PL matches. Only Shearer (record 57), Henry, Fowler and Cole have done this more often. #mufc


ARSENAL - WIGAN 1-2 (1-2)
@MirrorFootball Oman! Al Habsi makes a worldy save to deny Benayoun.

LIVERPOOL - FULHAM 0-1 (0-1)
@9_Hendo Taking off Jordan Henderson for Stewart Downing is like choosing between having a right, or left leg amputated #lfc #ffc @BeyondthePitch Love these high-def closeups on players .. you can actually see the bolts in Skrtel's neck ..... be very afraid Clint, you've awakened him @soccerpaedia Liverpool should get a new stadium and change their motto to "hold up Ancestors, we will walk alone from here"

STOKE CITY - EVERTON 1-1 (0-1)
@MWBarnshaw Let's put our hands together and celebrate the 1000th Premiership goal this season..... Peter Crouch, with an own goal!!!! #superstar

CHELSEA - NEWCASTLE UTD 0-2 (0-1)
@DaveClark_AFP Aggressive start from Sarkozy #France2012 and from Cissé #NUFC 1 Chelsea 0 @SamWallaceIndy Another hat-trick for Messi. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, the team he can't score against are losing to NUFC & looking flat @KnottJoe Looks like I could be doing a drunk eBay buy of Cisse in 15 years as I did do the other week for Asprilla #NUFC @dce8 For some reason, Sports Direct charge £17 for XL in the home #nufc top, £34 all other sizes. Big Mike sympathising with the pie eaters?

BOLTON - TOTTENHAM 1-4 (0-1)
@allantweston Wheater gives s#it a bad name #bwfc #thfc @jeromeharris Adebayor! Adebayor! He slots in a second and now we have four! #ozspurs #COYS #thfc @devon_gooner turned tv off. seeing adebayor smile makes me sad.