My beloved Old lady has done some botoxin', face-lifting, vagina-rejuvenation, if you want, during the summer.
Yeah, it'll take her some time to look as impeccable as last year.
There might be a bit less 'madameness' due to Pirlo's departure, there might even be a bit less drive due to Vidal's leaving. And even a bit less penetration due to Tevez's unhealable homesickness.
But new studs, such as Paulo Dybala, Simone Zaza, Alex Sandro, Mario Mandžukić, Sami Khedira, have been brought to fill the holes of the black and white outfit. And Juan Cuadrado's coming, too.
Now I will end with sexually-oriented terminology and try to be a bit more serious. So. Let's get to the point. Juventus. Football.
Regarding all the summer additions there was quite a lot of optimism before the 1st game of the season in which Juventus welcomed quite generous customers from the past. Udinese.
And it looked like Kingsley Coman, who was the driving force early in the game, but awfully wasteful, and Co. would empty visitors' pockets as soon as they entered the shop.
Allegri's 3-5-2 (Buffon; Barzagli, Bonucci, Chiellini; Lichtsteiner, Pereyra, Padion, Pogba, Evra; Mandzukic, Coman) started brightly, completely dominating Serie A rivals.
It even seemed like the little zebras weren't interested. Juve were all over the visitors' half. On the other side, Stefano Colantuono's men entered Juve's half as often as you've seen Halley's comet.
As is often the case in such situations, 'but' inevitably enters. Despite total dominance in the 2nd half also, Juve just couldn't - even after otherwise very lively Dybala came in - put the ball in the net.
Udinese, on the other hand, did. Through Cyril Thereau, who just might have been involved in the Japanese invisibility researches. Or could someone explain to me, how is it possible to leave someone so alone in the box...
Anyway. The 'expected' outcome was still on. Mauricio Isla entered, Fernando Llorente entered. Game changers (sarcasm on).
No. Juve - despite 65-35 possession, 21-6 goal attempts, 10-2 corners - lost its first home Serie A match since January 2013 and ended an unbeaten run of 47 games (via @WhoScored).
That pissed off quite a large part of the black and white Twitter community. Yes, it's a defeat that wasn't expected. Yes, Mandžukić has a lot of room for improvement. Yes, Coman was wasteful. And, yes, Pogba made too many bad decisions going forward.
But all was not bad. And no, Juve won't be relegated, as some 'men of knowledge' tried to suggest. Bear in mind - Claudio Marchisio, one of the most important Allegri's men in the last season, has been injured, as has Alvaro Morata.
Khedira also - but he's made of glass, so Juve fans can't really coun't on him...
Ergo. It's only the 1st round of the season. So take a chill pill and don't be a cunt, as would Jim Jefferies say. Calma.
